"Pneuma-Psuche"

Self - Esteemed

2011-11-27T08:27:00.001-08:00

Every day I watch people do things they don't like to do to impress people they don't even like. We're 100% focused on ourselves, obsessed with what we'll wear, what we'll say, who we'll date, how we look, what our Facebook profiles look like, and what other people think. We're consumed and fixated with ourselves.

Of course no one really cares that the world is crumbling. I'm not even going to waste the time it takes type a paragraph explaining how shitty things really are. If I did you might feel a bit of sadness, but your chief concern will ultimately revert back to your personal needs and how you can best portray yourself to the world today.

Here's the problem: This world isn't about you and you'll never feel fulfilled until you get outside of yourself. You weren't created to fix yourself and you weren't created to be your ultimate. In other words - you weren't created to be the God of your own life.

One of the biggest lies in America is that strength, change, and power are all found within. Proven by the millions of self-help books and Oprah episodes viewed; most people think they need to look within themselves for the answers in life.

You're being deceived.

We live in a dualistic world. To truly understand the cold of a Minnesota winter you must experience the heat of a southern summer. To truly understand how small you are, you must stand before something great. You simply cannot know anything completely without a point of reference.

People who think they are "good people" always refer to their lack of jail time, fights, or general amount other "good" friends. They never refer to the amount of help they give to people in need, times they put other's first, or amount of energy they spend on someone other than themselves.

Here's the main point: until God is your reference point you're always going to be missing part of the truth- and if part of the truth is missing I say you have no truth at all.

Until God is your reference, you'll be stuck trying to fix your own problems, rationalise your own truth, and finding your own way. There are thousands of people who scoff at the idea that they are lost, but that's because they have no clue where they are supposed to be going. They look inside themselves for truth. They are their own point of reference. When that's the case you can rationalize any behavior.

I'm willing to bet (which is why I'm writing this) that there's a voice inside you trying to get your attention. Maybe you're like me and you've done everything possible to drown that voice out because you don't know what else your supposed to do with your time or where you're supposed to go next. You just keep going.

I'm inviting you to stop going and start coming.

The lack of answers you've found is because you keep going to yourself instead of coming to God. You are not your God. You are not supposed to be your own point of reference. Instead, ask God to be your point of reference. Ask Him what truth is. Ask Him to change your point of reference. Ask God to reveal Himself. Tell Him you need help. If you don't believe God exists then I'm willing to bet you haven't spent any serious time looking for Him. I invite you today to look.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. For, I have come for you so you might have life, and that you might have it abundantly." -God

Promised Love

2011-10-31T18:26:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while since I last posted. A lot has gone on… a lot. I moved across the country, back home to start a new job and be more near my family. I left what I now see as the greatest community of believers a man could ask for. Men that loved me well enough to ask the hard questions and expect out of me what God expects out of me – to be the man I was created to be.

The change in life has certainly brought about a lot of struggles. It’s easy to get lost when you start wondering around. If you’re not careful you’ll forget who you are and give into who the world tells you you are.

But then we, as believers, get reminded of the promise. If we pay enough attention I’m quite sure we get reminded daily. See, if you’re children of the covenant, then you’re part of the greatest promise in the world – indeed the only promise that really matters. And, it's a promise that can't be broken because it's already been paid for.

Thousands of years ago God promised Abraham that he’d be the God of his offspring:

“And I will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your offspring after you" -Genesis 17:7-8.

This is critical. I urge you to not brush it off. See, for God to say he’s going to make an ever-lasting covenant with a people means that people will never die. This relationship is a saving relationship. That’s why Jesus said “I am the God of the living,” because God does not die and, therefore, God’s people do not die. For, how do you have an ever-lasting relationship with someone who is dead?

Also of unparalleled importance is to notice that God says He's going to do it. He's going to supply the necessary means to make this happen. This is one of the first hints of grace. God made the promise and it had 0% to do with what Abraham did or did not do. Matter of fact, Abraham was 99 years old when he had that child. Abraham had no children at that point because his wife had been baren her whole life. And, by the way, you can easily trace that lineage down to a man named Joseph, who was the (earthy) father of Jesus.

See, I’m saved not because I’m a good man. I’m not a good man. If I were a good man I wouldn’t need a savior. I long to be a better man, but I screw up a lot. And, for those of you who think you're good to go already, please read this: http://tiny.cc/gmfga

But, God made a promise, and a promise is only as good as the one who gives it. God not only made the promise but also paid for the promise in full he destroyed the power of death by rising again.

And, he did it for me. He did it for you. See, it’s not some weird belief. Faith isn’t something I can talk you into. But, I can ask. See what happens when you ask God to reveal himself. See what happens when you seek God out. See what happens in your life when you invite a wholly awesome, perfect, infinite God into it. Things will never be the same. And, you'll thank God for that.

“Yet to all who received me, to those who believed in me, I give the right to become children of God” – Jesus Messiah

It’s the greatest love story in the world. Call me crazy, scoff all you want but, the bigger fool is he who decides what he sees before he even takes a look.

I'm a thief

2011-07-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

I had a discussion with middle-aged man not too many days ago. His face turned to sorrow as his mind began to recall all the terrible things he'd said, people he'd hurt, and lives he'd ruined - most prominently, his own.

I explained to him the hope God. We talked about how the greatest thing a man can do for another person is to die in their place, and how, out of love, that's exactly what God did for us. Not some average, ordinary man, but an all powerful, sovereign God.

I explained to him how we were created to know and enjoy the goodness of God, but how we've all decided to be our own God instead. We've decided in our own hearts what truth is and what our lives should look like. We took the first commandment and gave it the finger.

"I've done too much to be forgiven though" he bluntly stated, as his eyes sank to his feet in sadness.

Most people I know are either too good or too bad to be saved. They make their own moral resumes ultimate, putting who they think they are over who God says they are.

This guy didn’t get it and I wonder - do you?

When Jesus died he was in the middle of two men. Both were thieves. The man on the left of Christ looked at Jesus and said "Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom."

This was more than just a sentence. This was a thief recognizing who his Lord was and realizing he needed to be saved.

What's amazing about this is that the thief had nothing to offer. He lived a life that was so reckless and sinful that his last moments on earth left him pinned to an old piece of wood with rusty nails. But, salvation isn't about who we are or what we do.

That's the beauty of the Gospel.

It's not about works. The thief had moments of life left. He wasn't coming down from that cross to start an orphanage or pray for the homeless. He was never going to love someone selflessly or become a servant to the needy. He was nobody and had nothing... outside of a dominant, pursuant, loving God.

We are justified by what God has done and who he is, not the other way around. This isn't about you. It’s about an infinite God's infinite mercy. You can't out do God. You're not ultimate. God is. His love is. His grace is.

You can be part of the greatest love story ever told: An infinite, perfect God giving up his life for a finite, selfish, undeserving people.

See, I'm a thief too. And, so are you.

Here are words from one of my favorite songs, written in 1779.

There is a fountain filled with blood,
Drawn from Immanuel’s veins,
And sinners plunged beneath that flood
Lose all their guilty stains.
The dying thief rejoiced to see
That fountain in His day;
And there have I, though vile as he,
Washed all my sins away.

- William Cowper

Not a Prayer in Hell.

2011-07-10T15:36:00.001-07:00

We don't learn to love someone without changing. In isolation the human heart's ability to prosper and grow becomes stagnant. We were created for community, interaction, engagement, discussion, and relationships. This is one of the many reasons we were born into families, and not left by our parents... like turtles.

We need other's because were created by a Triune God (http://tiny.cc/fva22) who, except for the 3 days after Jesus' death on the cross, has enjoyed perfect community for all time. The Trinity makes it's first appearance in the creation description of Genesis in chapter 1 verse 26 in a very dynamic and powerful way; not only declaring that man was made in God's image and likeness, but just as important, using the plural form "Our" (http://tiny.cc/s2am3). Hence, the Triune God of the Father, Son (Jesus), and the Holy Spirit.

But, this post isn't about my thoughts toward how man was created. Instead, it's about relationships and why we need personal, intimate interactions to ever truly prosper as humans. Therefore, this is a blog on Prayer.

How am I making a connection from personal relationship to prayer? Easy. Prayer is the medium in which we talk to our creator. This is how we have a personal relationship with God. Notice the word personal.

This is made possible only because of Jesus. He died to tear the viel, to take our sin, and give us full intimacy and access to God. We no longer need a priest, we are no longer separated because of our imperfections. Jesus spent 3 days in Hell on our behalf. So, now, we get to enjoy God. Yes. Enjoy God, which I believe, as do many others (http://tiny.cc/oroyc), is our purpose here on Earth.

Now, back to prayer... How do we have a relationship with God? Well, think of your wife (or girl/boy friend, or favorite person) and imaging how fruitful your relationship would be with that person if you never talked, discussed, engaged, interacted, or fought. Pretty bad relationship? Same with God. And yes, I said fought. Some of my most fruitful interactions with God have been after I've unleashed on him for not giving me what I wanted (Thank God He didn't...). God knows what's in my heart, how I would react, and that I'm so pissed off. He can handle it. He created pissed off. He's not taked by surprise.

What God wants is a relationship. You don't have to get all dressed up or have your stuff together to come before God. Jesus already did that for you. Plus, you'll never have your stuff together enough to be perfect, which is how you need to be in order to be in God's presence (this is why you come in the name of Jesus - he is YOUR righteousness before God). Matter of fact, when you stop trying to control your life and instead allow your anxieties and problems to bring you before God in prayer, you'll shift from worrying to watching. This is when life becomes fun.

Oh, and God doesn't need a relationship with you. He actually doesn't need anything from you. And, to be honest, we don't have anything we can actually offer God. Instead, God wants a relationship with you because it's what's best for you. God's goodness is overflowing, and he's allowing you a chance to share in the riches. It's beautiful. And, it's true.

As you begin to approach God more openly, honestly, humbly, helplessly, you begin to really interact with Him and get to know Him, and in doing so, you begin to understand yourself. This process will begin to change you. More specifically, He will change you. Same with the bible. As you start to read the bible, it starts to read you.

I've often hear the argument from self determined, individualistic individuals who say they don't need God because they aren't weak. I call that foolishness. Foolish because any basic attentiveness to life should breed the realization that we don't really have any control in the first place. I'm actually willing to bet that no one reading this has had their life turn out like they planned it. It might be better, it might be worse, but no one has the control they think they do. That's part of being under control of a sovereign God. Only Jesus' life was as He had planned it and that's because Jesus is the most dependent person to ever live. I long to be that dependent. But, depending on God isn't a weakness, it's hope, and as Andy Dufresne says, "Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies (http://tiny.cc/pmfth)."

Our hope is in the fact that God loves us. Our hope is in the fact that God hears us because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross (http://tiny.cc/kfc7i). We are now sons and daughters of a God who has full authority over heaven and earth, who knows the hairs on your head, and loves you perfectly, with an unfailing love. He loves you more than you love yourself. He hears our prays, interacts with us, and makes our way straight. It's intimate. It's humbling.

Being in community with God and praying that His good and perfect will be done in our lives is the best kind of control possible. It's like walking on your own, but having your father's strong hand make sure you don't walk the wrong way. You weren't created to do life a lone. You were created to be known and loved by God. That's an infinite hole in your life because you were created to know and enjoy an infinite God. How many finite items will it take to find fullness if you decide to continue rejecting the gospel (http://tiny.cc/k3ctr)?

I've said prayers and watched miracles happen more times than I have time to write. I've literally seen blind people see, I've watched my own heart's desires change instantaneously, I've watched prayer turn tears and shaking into smiles and laughter, desperate circumstances into peace-filled experiences. I've honestly watched clouds part after prayer or rain begin after a heavenly appeal. I can still see the brilliant smile of a woman who had 8 years of constant menstruation suddenly stop after prayer. I've even watched a collapsed lung fill with air in response to prayer. I've seen God move in response to prayer so many times it often becomes so standard that I have to repent for my apathy toward the miracle. But, the greatest reaction to prayer is the relationship, trust, and community that develops between my heavenly father and myself.

" I love the Lord, because he listens to my prayers for help. He paid attention to me, so I will call to him for help as long as I live"
-Psalm 116

I see Jesus every day. Telling me He's not who he says he is (http://tiny.cc/w4dhx) is like telling me the sunshine doesn't exist or that I'm not breathing. It's saddens me to think of the 24 years I spent without knowing God. It was, in comparison, Hell on Earth.

But, someone told me I could know God. I was told that my screw-ups, dunken nights, lies, and wretched lifestyle would be fully forgiven. I was told that God came to take the penalty I deserved for my rebellion. For living life as I wanted to live it, not as I was created to live it.

The hardest pains in life are the type we can't see, originating in places we can't reach, resulting in symptoms we can't completely describe. If you're reading this two things are happening. One, you're getting a chance to come to Jesus and know the one true, living God. Second, God's asking to heal your pains. The lies, the cruelty, the hurt. Only God knows the intricacies of the human soul because He "fearfully and wonderfully knit us together." Let him in. That's when life begins and I'd give my life so you could know it.

"Come to me all you people that are tired and have heavy burdens. I will give you rest." - Jesus, Messiah.

Foolishness

2011-04-24T11:25:00.000-07:00

I might be the biggest fool in the world.

Maybe the path of life really is to do whatever I desire and then just Google an internet article or rationalize rationale until I can justify my actions and my conscience.

Maybe there isn't an absolute truth and we're just randomly here until we randomly die.

Maybe I'm blowing it by giving my life to Jesus. Maybe he was just a carpenter. Maybe he never rose from the dead.

Maybe I should go back to drowning out the voice that's screaming inside me (it's inside you too) that we were made for so much more - more of whatever it is we're trading in our flicker of time to do, have, or accomplish.

Maybe I didn't look hard enough and there is some amount of money or accomplishment that will love me back.

I think about that sometimes. What if Jesus isn't who he said he was? What if I've bought a lie? What if, instead, life really is found in collecting things, working my way up an invisible corporate ladder, and trying to get as many people as possible to think I'm cool.

Maybe I'm what is wrong with the world because I've given my whole life to a lie and now I’m spending it sending people astray.

Maybe Jesus isn't who He said He was. Maybe He didn't rise from the dead and he's just randomly the only important historic figure whose gravesite we can't locate.

What if the Jewish religion is correct and I’m supposed to be waiting for a different savior to come. Am I then a fool?

No, it's way, way worse that that. It doesn't get any worse than that.

There were over 400 verses about Jesus in the Old Testament - the Jewish book. Verses of how God would send a savior, he would be rejected by his people, die and rise again in three days. My favorite prophecy is found here (http://tinyurl.com/452jxby) and is written by one of the most well known Jewish Prophets.

Maybe Isaiah was talking about someone else and Jesus is just a huge misunderstanding or coincidence.

On this Sunday over 2,000 years ago Luke, who was a doctor that personally knew Jesus, wrote this passage. It is now found in the bible:

"The morning of His death they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, and when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.”

The people of that day knew the scriptures inside and out. They knew every verse that pointed to a coming Messiah, but they didn’t believe it was Jesus.

Are you in the same boat? Is this Jesus thing a big fairy tale?

A few days before Jesus died he said:
"We are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death and will turn him over to the Gentiles to be mocked and flogged and crucified. On the third day he will be raised to life."

These were the same people that witnessed so many miracles that Jesus performed that John later tell us that: “If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written” He laid everything out for them, but they still didn't believe.

I was like these people for so many years. I plead with you - don't waste your life like I did.

Think of it this way: If thousand of other Christians, as well as myself, are fools because Jesus wasn't the Savior of the world... If Jesus really didn't rise from the dead... if Easter really is about rabbits and eggs...Then how did a mere carpenter two thousand years ago change the entire world?

As Napoleon Bonaparte said:

"I know men and I tell you that Jesus Christ is no mere man. Between Him and every other person in the world there is no possible term of comparison. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creation of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men would die for Him."

After Jesus rose from the grave, thus making a mockery of death, he appeared to over 500 people over the next 40 days. He let a multitude of people touch the holes in his hands and see the scars on his back. He went to every possible length to make sure they had a chance to know Him.

He's doing the same with you. He even led you to my blog.

Someday you'lll stand before Jesus. You'll see the scars on the back, the holes in His hands, and the wound in His right side, just like the five hundred and millions upon millions that have already gone before us have seen.

You'll see that God poured all the judgment we deserve onto his only, sinless son. He did it to for you. To reconcile you to himself. To have you, to know you, to look after you, to love on you.

I pray. I write. I live. All in hopes that you'll see have your face-to-face interaction with God today, and not after death swallows you up.

Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life." He wants you to know that you were created to know Him. To enjoy Him. To experience him. If he's lying, then I'm a fool. But, if Jesus is who He said he was. Then you are much worse off than being a mere fool.

If you read the scriptures they will start to read you. Let me say that again. If you read the scriptures, they will start to read you.

Take God's invitation to be His son or daughter. To be adapted into His Holy, Eternal Family:

"But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." - John 1:12

"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”" - Romans 10: 9-13

I implore you: Believe. Believe and you will see. This, God promises you.

Faithfulness

2011-03-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

If you believe a chair will hold you up you are left with just that: a theory that a chair will hold you up. Believing in something is just a theory and theories don't produce fruit, action, or results. They are quite meaningless as far as impact is concerned. Believing a chair will hold you up doesn't cause you to go sit and experience the chair.

To trust something is everything. To trust something you've had to experience it. Trust breeds knowledge, freedom, experience, and action.

If you trust that a chair will hold you up then you get action because you're willing to sit in the chair and experience it. From that moment everything between you and the chair changes. Now you understand how the chair works, you trust the chair - you're always willing to sit in it. Trusting in something produces action, movement, and a tangible truth that will always be relevant and meaningful.

I don't know where you're at. Maybe you hate God, maybe you don't think He exists, maybe you don't care, or maybe you claim to know of Him. I've lived a portion of my life in each reality. No matter where you are, I pray, hope, and long that you can experience what it feels like to trust Him. It's better than anything this world has to offer you. This is life. I promise.

Most of the people I know go to church or would say they are a Christain, but they don't trust God. There's a difference between believing in God and trusting God. Once produces fruit and the other doesn't. One produces action, and the other a dead theory. I long for you to trust God.

How?

That's the hard part. The past few weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life. All my "security" fell through. My job, my car, my computer, my income, my career...everything had been taken away from me. I was left unemployed and lost.

But, I've received more life than I've ever experienced and never before have I been as happy as I am now. Never.

Why? I've been FORCED to trust God. In the Old Testamant the Jews used to build alters whenever God proved to be faithful (which was all the time), because they knew they are a people that forget easily. So are we.

I don't want to forget. I want to remember. I want to remember how faithful God has been. How every one of his promises in the Old Testament has come true and how every promise int he New Testamant is coming true in my life - Every. Day.

So, here are just a few things that have happened the past two weeks.

Praying I wouldn't be shamed during a job interview I didn't prepare for, I ended up making it to the last round. I felt encouraged and affirmed. Responses were coming out of my mouth in such a way that I was reminded of Luke 12:12.

I prayed over the lunch break that I would NOT get the job offer that I figured was coming because the interview was going so well because I didn't trust in my own ability to turn down a six figure salary. I didn't get the job. It was a peace I've never experienced before. I rejoiced.

I prayed God would raise up someone to move into my house and rent it for at least what I paid for it. One hour later there was a letter in my mailbox from a family that said they felt like God was calling them to my neighborhood and wanted to know if I was interested in renting my house out. They move in on April 15th.

I prayed God would raise up someone to donate me a car because I can't afford the one I bought before I lost my job and I need to sell it. Today at lunch someone said they felt like God was calling them to donate me their car.

There's about fifteen other significant prayers that have been answered the past few weeks. I've experienced Luke 7: 9-11 come true over and over..

I love how he's brought me so LOW that I've HAD to trust him because forever I have the pleasure, security, and knowledge to TRUST that God's word, his promises, his LOVE LETTER called the bible is true. He died on a tree to prove it. He did it for me. He did it for you. He freaking loves us.

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Psalm 33:4
4 For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.

Psalm 36:5
5 Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

Psalm 86:15
15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Psalm 89:1
1 I will sing of the LORD's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.

Psalm 89:8
8 O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you.

Psalm 91:3-6
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

Psalm 108:4
4 For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Psalm 115:1
1 Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.

Psalm 143:1
1 O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief

Lamentations 3:22-23
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Romans 3:3-4
3 What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? 4 Not at all!

1 Corinthians 1:9
9 God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.

1 Corinthians 10:13
13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1 John 1:9
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
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I'm not crazy. Jesus is real. He's a live and you're reading this right now because he wants to intervene in your life and be your rock, your security, your peace. Jesus said: "I am the way, the truth, and the light."

If He's telling the truth and you miss this...what then?

I don't believe this, I trust this. I don't believe Jesus. I trust Him. And here's the best part about a relationship with Jesus:

"I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

You want beauty? You want life? You want wisdom? You want security?

"The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and trust in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation." - Romans 10:8-10

The Treasure of Pain

2011-03-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

As Americans we've been lied to. We've been told that to be happy is to be made much of. Therefore, we live with a great fortitude and determination to build happiness. Which is mainly acted out in a very simplistic fasion: To avoid pain.

We rarely take risks, unless the risk itself will benefit our facade or our brand. But, if the motivation for our risk taking is purely to benefit our image or our good standing then it's more manipulation than it is risk. True risk is only done with selfless motivation. But, that's a subject for another time.

Have you noticed that no one takes the hard road? When our lives aren't what we need them to be for others to exalt us, we move, quit, or start over. We immediately put all our energy into protecting our reputation - then we do everything within our power to avoid any and all pain.

It's not to gain pleasure or joy that we drink too much, smoke pot, progress to harder drugs, cutting, anorexia, spend hours of our lives playing video games, or sleep around. It's to avoid pain and this is the road most traveled by our generation because it is the easiest road to travel. The problem is this:

You can't experience growth without pain, and without growth there is no life.

That does mean you pursue pain to experience life, it means you steward it. But this can only be done if you understand how loved you are and who you were created to be. This is critical, otherwise there's no hope.
The son or daughter of the only true God -"Fearfully and wonderfully woven together" (Psalm 139:14).

If you know in your heart (not just your theologically astute head) that you're perfectly loved by an awesome, omniscient, and sovereign God, then you're able to steward pain because prefect love casts out fear. You don't have to fear that pain.

See, God isn't holding out on you. He never has. He's trying to get your attention because he has so much better for you. He promised good. And, he died to fulfill that promise.

See, our Earthly pleasures are a hint of what's to come in heaven. The peace, joy, laughter, and rest we enjoy on earth is not only an echo, but proof of what's to come next.

I don't think God's will for your life involves what you do for a living, where you live, or what you accomplish. God's will for your life is to discover who you were created to be and be that person wherever you are, because when you discover who you were created to be you start to come alive, and then, and only then, do you experience life instead of just live it.

Ask God what's he's trying to birth in your heart. For, if our hearts stop growing we are already dead anyway.

Don't run from pain. Steward the treasure.

The Moment

2011-01-21T12:44:00.000-08:00

3:53PM, Friday January 21st, 2011. I point out the specifics of this instant so I can look back with tangibility at one moment God used to define my life. I was promised all that I thought I'd ever wanted, a contractual guarantee of my dreams.

My gifting and talent had explosively conjoined with intense prayer and intervention to seemingly fulfill some of my greatest desires. At 28 I had been handed the keys to my deepest desires.

What does a man look like that gets all this ripped way from him without any explanation or sufficient cognitive understanding? He looks like me. He looks like me at 3:5PM, Friday January 21st, 2011. I feel like I'm at my wedding, surrounded by my family and friends. I've already paid in full for the reception and honeymoon. In my ears are the sound of the bridal procession. But, she's not coming.

Through prayer I was brought to this place. I didn't ask for this opportunity, it stalked me. I left my successful career and took a new direction because of a contract. A contract that I thought represented God's plan for my immediate life.

I hear the whisper speak: "Where did God go?"

No where. He loves me. He promises good for me. He died to prove it to me and has spent that past 28 years letting me see it. Apparently he's letting me experience his goodness at an even deeper level. A few years ago God intervened to create life from death. I write this so I can remember the moment God took dispair and made it hope. I don't know what God's doing, but I know it's good because he is good. I know it is an act of love, because he is love.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"- Romans 8:28

How many finite items does it take to fill an infinite hole?

2011-01-14T09:28:00.000-08:00

Look around. The world is scratching and clawing for something. I watch a world around me that desperately uses power, fame, and possessions to manufacture a sense of security or purpose. I see a population caught in a perpetual chase to make much of themselves; working daily to prove their own worth, not only to everyone else, but to themselves, as well. How many dollars does it take to feel secure? Does fulfillment coincide with the size of your paycheck and peace with your mortgage payment? Can you get a new enough outfit to feel complete? How beautiful do you have to be to feel alive?

The proof is in the search: We're Lost. What is it everyone is looking for? Most people I talk to don't even know. They just tell me they're "living the life" or confess that they haven't even thought about it. We have no guarantee on a tomorrow, but we shrug off death because we have no idea what life is supposed to be for anyway.

How are we supposed to make anything of our time here is we don't know what we were created for? Does anything work if it isn't used the way it was created to be used? Do golf clubs work right if not used for golfing? Does a lamp shine bright without a lightbulb? Have we turned green paper, cotton threads, and beauty into things they weren't created to be intended for?

As the old cliche' goes: If you fail to plan you can plan on failing. I mean, if you don't know what you were made for how can you expect or plan for anything good?

We've proved it a multitude of times that security and "life" cannot be found by finite objects like money, sex, and success. All these things disappear without notice as stock markets crash, divorces get filled, and people let us down. When this doesn't work the goal always becomes security and safety. We stock pile money, resumes, "good deeds," funny stories, and awards in an attempt to feel worth. We live solely to minimize pain and maximize comfort. We are using everything this world offers, and I do mean everything, as a conduit towards proving ourselves so we can feel fulfilled and justified, and, as you've either found or you're about to find out - none of it works.

Over time we bury this frustration of feeling lost by becoming disengaged: no reflection, no real interaction, no ability to serve or be self-less, and no ability to forgive. Relationships lack depth and jobs lack meaning. We don't know what we're supposed to do with our time, so we keep going. After enough time the heart dies out and life becomes mechanical and not relational. We can't forgive, We can't be self-less, and our own needs and desires become centrality because we haven't yet experienced fulfillment.

It's a terrible life. It's terrible because it doesn't work. No wonder everyone is depressed, divorced, or bored.

So, what's the answer if nothing else works?
Well, as C.S Lewis says: "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

Here's the thing, and I'll give my whole life until my last days shouting until this is universally known: God created you to experience His love. That is why you are here. Not for consumption or awards, but to experience God's love.

Jesus tells us: " I have come that they may have life, and have it to the fullest (John 10:10). Yes, to the fullest.

He came because he knew we were lost. We'd left our source and gone astray. He's running after you now to give you life, and give it to you in the fullest. Jesus says "I am the way, the truth, and the life." (John 14:6)

That's a marketing campagne no company, clothing store, electronic hut, retail outlet or experience in this world can offer nor promise you...but God does.

The ability to be fully loved is the pinnacle of fulfillment and health for all persons. Nothing in this world works if it is used for reasons other than which it was created for. Giving and receiving love is at the heart of being human. You were created for love. Love from God.

God's pure love creates a revival in your heart. You become born again and recharged. It's like someone pushed your "On" button. When you experience God's love it permeates the core of your being. It invites abandon and intimacy. It speaks the language of the soul as it awakens our hunger for relationship and connection. His love is the core of freedom and it's unlike anything else the world offers us. You can experience God. This is why He made you and he's waiting, oh so patiently, for you to allow Him to prove it to you.

However, most Christians royally screw this part up. They either think they have to earn God's love by following all these rules and being "good" or they think they can gain enough theology and knowledge to know God. Neither is true and neither allow a rich experience of God's love.

The core of both these "religions" is selfishness. If you think you are good, then really you're putting your glory over God's, asking him to respond to you. You've made him a puppet that moves when you do good. And, sorry to burst your bubble, but your motives, if not already motivated by God's love aren't "good" motives anyway, they're selfish, and love is never self-seeking (1 Corin. 13:5).

If you're in the other camp: trying to accumulate enough facts about God or church appearances to feel his love then you've objectified love. If you made your quest towards love for a girl the accumulation of facts or the number of times you went to her house then I'd say your stalking more than you're loving her.

God IS love and he cannot be known apart from love (1 john 4:8). He cannot, therefore, be known objectively. One cannot observe him from a distance and know him. Doing so it failing to genuinely encounter his love. One can only encounter the divine love only up close and personally. God's love is not a tradition or a theology. It's not a set of facts or something you can learn. God's love is something you can only experience. To know God is to encounter true love.

As Tozer put is "the interaction between God and the soul is a conscious, personal experience." To be human is to have been designed for an intimate relationship with the Divine. Our needs for love form the spiritual core of humanity. It is our foundation and nothing stands firm over time nor trials without a firm foundation. Because God is so full of love he wants to share it with his people. It's the most loving thing you can do- give yourself away. As I said before, love is not self-seeking.

God shows us again that he is love by doing the most anti self-seeking act the world has ever seen: He offers up his own Son for the salvation of his children. As you've heard a million times "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). Don't just hear this, believe it.

Jesus took your sins and, therefore, the wrath of God. He did it out of love because he did it on your behalf. This is how and why you can be fully loved. God looks at you and says: "This is my son, with whom I am well pleased" (Matt 3:16) because, once you've turned to Jesus his perfect record becomes your perfected record. Jesus already lived the life you should have lived and died the death you should have died. Now, because of Jesus, we can experience God's perfect love.

This is when our soul comes alive and feels its' full worth. You become born again, a new person who's foundation is the perfect love of God. This is when the quest stops. This is when the boring life of consumption and materialism perishes.This is when the need to prove yourself dies. This is how you get set free.

I am deeply and unconditionally loved by the God who created me. There is nothing I can do to gain or lose it. No good deed gets me more, no massive screw up gets me less. Jesus did it all and I get it all. This is why Jesus's last words on the cross were "It is finished."

So, how many finite items does it take to fill an infinite hole? Don't waste your life accumulating. I beg you because I love you and I love you because God loves you.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." -God (Jeremiah 33:3)

Don't Miss Christmas

2010-12-25T05:53:00.000-08:00

The holiday season comes at you with a great promise of joy, hope, and the excitement of gifts and family. It’s a time when we all come together and enjoy the ones we love and look forward to gifts we will receive. However, sometimes this season brings upon a perplexing feeling of shame and anxiety as you find yourself agitated with your in-laws, distracted by your loneliness, or deeply scarred by a family argument.

Christmas seems to start the same every year. Hours are spent cleaning the house. Energy is exhausted trying to make sure everyone looks like they have it together. You put on your best exhibition of love and happiness for distant family members and spend the day comparing how amazing your kids / lives are. However, it only seems to take a few hours before you’re entirely ready for them to go home because your obnoxious cousin drank too much again, the kids are fighting, and it seems the red wine has already fully soaked into your new carpet.

Some of you knew today was going to be exceptionally rough. It might be your first Christmas with cancer; it might be your first Christmas without your spouse, a child, or dear friend. But, none the less: I don’t want you to miss Christmas. I say that because I missed Christmas for most of my life. I know some of you reading this are a bit confounded with me saying that, as it was I who had the big house and more gifts than I knew what to do with. But, I am here to tell you I wholly missed Christmas most of my life. I don’t want you to miss Christmas. I really don’t want you to miss Christmas. Please don't miss Christmas!

A little over 2,000 years ago a virgin woman became pregnant. The shame that came upon her for being pregnant before her wedding day could only be weakly defended by saying that the baby was from God. Imagine your daughter or sister telling you they got pregnant from the Holy Spirit ( bearing in mind no one had heard a peep out of God for 400 years.) On top of that she was moments from giving birth when she found out she had to return to her husband’s home town of Bethlehem on a donkey for a census. A place where she would undoubtedly face elevated feelings of embarrassment, disgrace, and humiliation. Oh, and the taxes were due on that very day, leaving her husband in a ripe mood for traveling with a mortified, fully pregnant wife.

I’m sure Mary was on the verge of a physical, mental, and emotional breakdown. Has anyone ever had an inferior day? But, this is when the good news came. In the midst of misery I cannot fully comprehend an angel appeared to them and said "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people! Today Your Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.”

Can you imagine that? The first sound out of God after 400 years was a baby crying. The only one who was ever chosen to be born, decides to enter into our world after a two day ride on a donkey to be born in the middle of no where for no other reason that to be our savior. Not our helper, our savior. He left the perfections of heaven for a manger that was probably located in a tiny, wet, cold cave.

I've sung Christmas songs my whole life. I’ve heard versus like “Glory to the newborn King, Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled” but never knew what that meant for me. What does this mean for me and the mess I’m in? What does that mean for those of us dying of cancer, or fighting with our family on Christmas, or caught in addictions that are killing us? What does that mean for people like me who don’t have what it takes to love like I want to love, to lead like I want to lead, and to serve the poor people I keep driving by? What does all this mean for those of you who console your hearts by rationalizing your anger towards people you are called to love by claiming they don’t deserve your respect? What does it mean for the people who are too damn tired of trying to keep it together, knowing that one more fresh coat of paint on your life-long built façade isn’t ever going to be pretty enough to cover up your hurts, fears, and anxieties? The answer is in the word “savior.”

Christmas is about God’s gracious intrusion into this broken world from his perfect perch in Heaven. It’s about the author stepping into His story. It’s about the creator of time becoming subject to it because he wants to save you. God doesn’t want your money. God doesn’t want your possessions. God doesn’t want your talents. Honestly, God doesn’t need your feeble money, possessions, or talents. He came here because he wants your sin. Yes. He desires your sin. Whether it’s a rape or a white lie it is keeping you two apart. He wants to atone for it because He can no longer identify the very people he breathed life into. We've become nearly unrecognizable to His holy eyes.

On this day He came for us because He couldn’t stand one more moment being separated from his beloved children. He wants our souls to feel their worth and He wants death to be no more. How are we to have life if we have become separated from the only one that gives life? So, He decided to let the creation kill the creator, live the life we should have lived, and die the death we should have died.

Christmas. Christmas! It’s not about what you can give. It’s not about how well you can get your act together and it’s not about who you are trying to be. It’s about who He is. The lover of your soul wants his kid back. It’s about a gift you cannot earn, but a gift that is, nonetheless, right here longing for you. I beg you not to miss Christmas this year. For many of you there is still one gift left under the tree.

“Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices.” – O Holy Night

Disappointment

2010-12-23T10:08:00.000-08:00

If you're alive you're disappointed. You've been let down, rejected, or hurt at some point. You may, much like the old me, be completely ignoring it, but nonetheless you're struggling with disappointment. It's ok. This is a good start. For you that bounce around the world pretending that everything is always great; you're bouncing around in a world that doesn't exist.

I'm not depressed, I just understand the magnitude of this fallen sometimes terrible world. I see a glimpse of how things were supposed to be and how they will be one day. God tells us "Behold, I Make All Things New (Rev. 21:5)." Our hearts long for that and this is evident in the way we live our lives: the disappointment we carry and our deep longings that are left unmet.

If you're like the old me you might already notice that no amount of money, cars, or success will ever meet that deeper desire that you can't quite identify, but know is there. The world tells you to work your way up, as if getting to the top provides the solution, or to gain security by making and saving enough money. I've found that living this way provides more pressure than joy and any feelings of success are pretty shallow and short-lived. Do you just wish for whatever reason that things were just different or better? If so, you're on the right path. You've began to realize that, as Switchfoot (and the Bible) says: "We Were Meant To Live For So Much More" (http://tinyurl.com/2fauukc).

Until we grasp how deeply we long for what we do not have our enjoyment of life's pleasures is defensive. We will depend on them to obscure the emptiness of our soul. To the degree we keenly feel the painful disappointment of unsatisfied longings we're able to ask no more of life's pleasures than they're capable of providing. Then and only then can we fully enjoy them and appreciate which is to come for those who love God: "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." - Romans 21:4.

Recognizing our disapointments and unmet deep desires proves that we indeed live in a sinful, messy world. Not by running away, but by facing the pains of our childhoods, relationships, jobs, and other aspect of our life we reveal our deep pain of being let down. Through this recognition we become aware of our sin and inability to love or be loved the way we need. The proper response to this realization is to repent and turn to God for forgiveness for the pain we've caused others. As my favorite movie "Into the Wild" quotes "To forgive is to love and when we love God's light shines on us." My whole life is based upon hoping that somehow I can show you that you'll find nothing this world offers that comes close to feeling His love. All else is child's play.

If you're a female you might be disappointed with men's ability to only care how you look versus how you're doing. You're probably longing for a man who is strong enough to handle your emotions and longings without them retreating or feeling threatened; You're looking for a man strong enough to serve you while leading you. A man who's not trying to just figure you out, but one who lives to enjoy your full femininity.

If you're a man you might be tired of trying to prove yourself to the world every single day or let down that your latest success or acquisition still hasn't led to any kind of long term fulfillment or peace. We either become a machine, going through the motions every day, never interacting with our own thoughts, feelings, or desires, trying to get to some destination that doesn't really exist. Or, we try to make God a vending machine that gives us what we want. Either way, you're not truly alive. At least not in the way God intended you to be when you were made.

The lie that boys are being fed, much like I was, is that being a man is being tough, emotionless, and unwavering. But, I ask you this- Is it harder to ignore problems or work through them? We live in a word where men are still acting like boys and the women are tired of it.

If you think masculinity has anything to do with sex, excessive drinking, swearing or fear, you're falling short of the man God made you to be. These are the top ways to disengage and ignore your disappointment. Most people are too scared or confused about how to face their pains, but doing so is the only way to let God heal your hurt. It's like I tell my d-group kids: Part of being a man is doing the hard things, which will be evident in how different those things are from what everyone else is doing. For example, anyone can go make fun of the poor smelly kid, but as a Christian you are called to go be his friend. Just like sex, excessive drinking, or every other way to disengage from reality - anyone (and most everyone) can live that life style. Masculinity is more about displaying the courage it takes to run towards issues, and thus openly admit that you don't have it all together or have all the answers.

Running from the disappointments of this world lead us into a fairytale where nothing we experience is real or worthy. Our lives have no depth and we can, therefore, make little impact of significance or meaning. True Masculinity is a heart issue and not something you can acquire, buy, or obtain but something we have to turn to God to re-create in us.

Being alive isn't about retracting from pain. It's about stewarding it well. Our pain reveals our longings to be the people we were created to be - fully loved and accepted, pain free, and sinless. We weren't created to be self serving, consumeristic slaves who are owned by material goods. We weren't made to be a people who's lives are a tapestry of self-protection and disengagement, hiding from each other, ourselves, and God the true pains and longings of our hearts. That's not freedom. It's slavery.

Reinventing yourself or starting over is the same as running. Life is supposed to be painful. God proved that on the cross and throughout His life. Why is life supposed to be painful? Because we don't change until the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of changing.

However, most live to avoid pain, which results in a life of total self-preservation. Whether it be to build your "brand" (http://tinyurl.com/3xzlqor), to build your life on acquisitions of material goods, to disengage from confrontation or pain, or to ignore the issues of this world, all are more than adequate means to miss a life of being fulfilled. To avoid pain or to be made much of have no direct correlation with happiness.

The basis of all our fears is we've lost our identity. If you knew, as I do, that you're God's child and when you let Him perfectly love you it changes you from the inside out. No longer do you have to prove who you are to the world, but you can rest in His love. God tells us that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). Can you imagine a world where people are not longer afraid of failure, let-downs, pain, rejection, or death? Sound a lot life heaven? Well, it is. And heaven can start in your heart the moment you let Jesus in.

We steward our pain and disappointment by letting God in through repentance. This is the only hope for change. It will first start with our decisions, then our relationships, then in our very being. I think this sounds attractive, even to those of you who hate God or currently have nothing to do with Him. However, he made you and only He possesses the knowledge of how to change you from the inside out. The process starts by repenting: a deep change of mind about the source of life.

Repentance means to accept the truth that life without God is no life at all and to, therefore, pursue God with all the passion of someone who has been rescued from unimaginable horror. That's the good news- He sent a SAVIOR, not a HELPER. If you're still in a place where you think you just need some help or no help at all then I fear and morn for you because you're living in disillusionment and soon your world is going to come crashing down. The effect of sin is death. Without God at our side we are helpless to live. For, if God is life (Jesus said He's the way, the truth, and the life), and we are separated from God, then we truly are dead already. But, that's why God sent Christ to live the life we should have lived and to die the death we should have died.

Therefore, we have full access to have a personal relationship for God. We can know Him as brother, friend, and father, and when your soul comes alive as you feel His unconditional love you feel your full worth. The disappointments and pain of this world become signposts for what is to come. Today's desires prove tomorrow's fulfillment. The shadow proves the sunshine.

You desire more than what this world can give you. There is disappointment because your heart longs for something more. As C.S Lewis puts it "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

Cling to truth: There is a God. He freaking loves you so much he died by way of flogging (http://tiny.cc/deaeg), nails, and a tree. There is no worse way to die. It's the climax to the greatest love story ever told. Who else would go to that length to have you? Only the One that went to the great lengths to make you in the first place. His love drowns out disappointment. When light shines, darkness hides.

God's inviting you to come home. Home to Him.

Grand Canyon

2010-12-12T12:11:00.000-08:00

When I stand before the Grand Canyon I'm more able to understand who I am. My ego, pride, and self-righteousness fade as I see the greatness of the beauty before me. As my eyes stretch to focus on the depth and breadth of the Canyon's great chasm, I being to realize how small, if not insignificant, I am. The world no longer revolves around my needs, my desires, my demands, my comfort, and my wishes. When standing before something more grand and wonderful that myself, I begin to realize my perceived greatness isn't really all that great.

It's the same way with Christianity. And, I'm not talking to those of you who go to church, do some good deeds, and think you're going to heaven because you're not "that bad" of a person. That's not actually Christianity (sorry). I'm talking to you who know that you're a wretched sinner, falling short of perfection and in daily need of a savior. I'm talking to you that are like me - in total need of Jesus and eternally thankful that He lived the life I should have lived because I've fallen short- a multitude of times. If you don't need Jesus, then you're the only one I know who's figured out how to live a perfect life. And yes, that's the minimum requirements for joining God in eternity. Jesus did it for me, because I couldn't do it for myself. This is why I love Jesus.

The awesome thing is, for the rest of you who aren't on drugs or completely delusional, once you realize you need a savior Jesus becomes your friend, brother, father, and lover of your soul. This is because he makes himself known to you. He becomes your identity. When God looks at you, He sees Jesus. You become one.

For me, and everyone else I know that has a relationship with Jesus, there is nothing more amazing than the love of God- It's what we were designed for. You can tell the people that have yet to realize this. They are much like I was before I fell in love with Jesus- running around trying to suck the life and love out of every thing and every body. Trying to earn love, steal love, manipulate for love. Hanging out in bars full of other people looking for what they think is love too, but only finding what is really a mutual agreement to use each other. People earning degrees, awards, and knowledge to increase your resume, hoping it will attract more attention to yourself in order to fulfill your longings to feel important, legitimate, and loved.

We're a lost people, hoping someone will come make us feel complete. We're men who have buried all our feelings and have constructed a life to maximize comfort. But, what we've really done is dug a well around ourselves and called it "security." Most men I know are drowning in that well, but are too proud or busy to recognize it.

Like the Grand Canyon analogy, but infinitely bigger, when we stand before a perfect and holy God we begin to realize who we are and who we aren't. You can't know you've fallen short of expectations until you know what the expectations are. God's expectations for men were expressed in Jesus. A humble, perfect, loving, forgiving, man who engages people's hearts, fully exalting truth; concerned more with our souls than our comforts. When we start to see Jesus as He truly is we start to see our own hearts as they truly are. This is when we change from thinking we are "good people who do bad things" to knowing we truly need someone to step in and save us.

I am a child of God, not any God, the ONE true God. He loves me, He knows me by name and He has a plan for my life. I am committed to following Him wherever He may lead, even when I don't know where the road is going. I know Him and I trust Him because he's never let me down and never will. To prove it He died on a tree so I could know him. It's the greatest love story ever told. A God who pursues His people, but respects their freedom. As the bible says "very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, He died for us" (Romans 5:6-8).

This type of love leads to freedom. It's beautiful. Once you've realized that God has died for you and He loves you perfectly, the pressure is off. You don't need to legitimize yourself. When you are fully loved the fears of this world are gone. No longer do you have to work your way up to the top to feel worthy or live a life trying to date, drive, or own the person, car, or home that will get you the most props from your friends. No more having to prove yourself. You get to become what you were created to be: A human being, not a human doing. You'll be set free. It's what makes us Christians put our arms up in church. It's a love that changes you from the inside out, as your soul begins to feel it's full worth.

You can't earn your way into heaven anyway. You're not perfect. You can't serve enough, you can't learn enough. You can't go to enough seminary classes or pray enough penances. That's the good news of the Gospel. He's already done it all for you. I invite you to stand in front of God with Jesus as your representative. It's like standing before the Grand Canyon, knowing your significance was created by the one who made the Grand Canyon, not by the one who can't even comprehend the Grand Canyon.

World Views

2010-10-19T03:43:00.001-07:00

As I've taken some of my problems in life head on I've learned a lot about myself. I know I talk a lot about how one of God's goals in our lives is to help us forget about ourselves and one fundamental lie we believe is that to be happy is to be made much of. However, if we don't understand some foundational truths about human nature we'll spend our lives running towards the wrong things. That's why there's movies called "The Pursuit of Happiness" like it's some unobtainable object who's joy is found only with it's process. You were designed to be happy. Problem is, few have the outlook that leds us there, so most are still stuck in their never-ending process.

I mean think about it. Let's pretend you and I were on a trip together to a place we'e never been before (much like life, as each day is different and new) and I was deemed the navigator and you were deemed the driver. In my excitement to take on my responsibility and get us to where we needed to go I printed out the exact directions for us. I mean every 1/8 of a mile was accounted for, every sign post, every stop light, every turn. Would we get to where we were going? Probably. Now, what if I started these directions from my driveway, but we actually started our tripe from my neighbor's driveway? That little mistake means we wouldn't get to where we wanted to go, and on top of that, we'd actually be lost the whole way and not even know it.

This is where most of the people I know are. They don't have a foundation understanding of the basic truth. The worst part is they might not ever stop to notice. They are too busy on their trip, accepting accomplishments and assets as signs they are on the right track.

There's two fundamental world views I see most.

Theism vs. Naturalism - Let me explain the difference:

Theism believes in Creation. Hence Absolute Truth, and that Absolute Truth is systematized to the Bible.
Naturalism believes in Evolution. Hence Reason, and that reason is systematized to Democracy / Power / Evolution

Why is this a big deal? Well, as we've already discovered, it's impossible to get to where you're going if you don't know where you're starting from. I'm going to start and focus on Theism, because that's what I believe to be true, hence what I know the most about.

If your world view is Theism then your view starts with a Creator and everything else flows through it. If you worldview starts with Naturalism, then your view starts with yourself and everything else flows to you. In a more simplistic way, one makes God the center, where all things flow from Him and the other makes self the center. A Theist might have a problem and will seek God's counsel, whereas someone with a naturalistic view might look within themselves (which is where the issue probably started from in the first place)...

From a Theism standpoint we have Absolute Truth. Facts about life don't change no matter what democracy, government, system or evolution of thought come about. They were the facts that the world was built on and not some grand enlightenment that came through revelation of human thought. For example, rape is always wrong, no matter what sociological customs come to fruition. These absolute truths come from God, the creator, and are able to be found in the Bible. He designed this life with specific fundamental absolute truths.

What you might hear a lot of today is called relativism and it is a bi-product of naturalism. This view comes from a naturalism perspectivea nd is the point of view that there is no absolute truth, but only relative, subjective values according to differences in perception and consideration. Some relativists believe that every "truth" is equal. Therefore, each truth is as relevant or irrelevant as the next. If that was true, then nothing is of importance and nothing really matters. If you think that way, then what you're saying doesn't matter either, so you can be quiet now- thanks for nothing. To me, this is just an easy way to create your own truth.

The bible teaches us that we're not good people who do bad things. This is one of many absolute truths that will shape the way you live your life. God created us perfect, in perfect union with him. You were created for this relationship, you were created by God - For God. Absolute truths, when ignored, violate your humanity. Once Adam and Eve started following Satan, everything went south. No longer do we have the capacity to do anything with pure motives. Now, instead of being fulfilled by God, as originally created, most of us are trying to fill that chasm by any means available and necessary. I mean really, look at everything you do. Is it not to feel cool, or accepted, important, or loved? Is that not the underlying motivation for all the things you're doing? Why you're never going to get what you're after is because you were created to be loved and fulfilled by an infinite object (God), but you're trying to fill it with a finite object. And, that's presupposing that this someone's love towards you is actually 100% pure, which, because they are just like you, it's not. Sorrrrrrry.

If you're in the camp that believes you're just a good person who occasionally does bad things, where's your starting point? Are you not aware of what God says? Do you have a truthful starting point or are you just making this up as you go so you never have to feel guilty... or think?

God tells us:

“There is no one righteous, not even one;
there is no one who understands,
no one who seeks God.
All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one.”
“Their throats are open graves;
their tongues practice deceit.”
“The poison of vipers is on their lips.”
“Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.”
“Their feet are swift to shed blood;
ruin and misery mark their ways,
and the way of peace they do not know.”
“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”

If you're a good person who says bad things then my God is liar. But, I won't go there. If you're that person, then I'll ask you this instead:

If heaven is a perfect place, are you good enough to be perfect?

This is why I love the Gospel. People like me know they aren't good enough. I've screwed over so many people in my life (sorry, I was a mess), started so many fights, and done so many heinous things that I know I'm not good enough to deserve anything from God. I hated God and His rules. He was boring, uninteresting and uninvolved. That was my Catholic experience, mainly because the church was too determined to follow man made traditions. Jesus hated the religious, with their traditions. If only the church was helping people understand the absolute truth about the human heart! If they were about helping people know the living Jesus- instead of their dead traditions. Jesus came for the sinners. If you want to be a christian you can't claim you're a good person.

The thing is, if you don't have a relationship with God, you hate him too. The bible says we were born enemies of God. Probably one good reason why Jesus Christ is a swear word to some people, but not Buddha, or Muhammad. Or, when I talk about Jesus to someone who doesn't know Him they think I'm weird, but I can tell any and everyone about Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny with no qualms. You're born into sin. Meaning you were born against or away from God.

You know the word "Death" really means separation. That shouldn't be a surprise, as if it's God who gives life and we're separated from life, we're obviously dead. God says the only thing that can drive us from Him is our sin and the penalty of death is sin. Let me break it down just incase:
God = Life
Sin = Split from God
Death = Separation from Life

Here's the thing. There is an absolute truth. I know this because I know Him. That's what's amazing about the Gospel. God wants us back even though we ran away. Because we've become way too screwed up (if you can't yet see it in your own heart yet, ask God to show you, or just look around the world), God has decided to love us anyway. He's here to clean up our mess and restore us into a perfect relationship with Him anyway.

If you're familiar with the Old Testament at all, which most religions have as their starting point, then you're aware that all sins demand a blood offering. That's because, as we discovered above, the penalty for sin is death, so something has to die. Now, if I sinned against God back in the day, I'd have to take my most perfect animal and offer it us as a sin offering. That animal took on my penalty. Some day, someone is going to die for your sins. I don't want it to be you. You're not good enough to make it on your own merit and God no longer accepts guilt offerings, so leave your cat a lone.

Here's the good news though: Jesus is the Lamb of God. God took the penalty of our sins and put it on His only son. The only person that ever lived a truly perfect life is the only one who got what He didn't deserve. And, He did it for you. Jesus (God) loves you more than you hate Him right now. He lived the life you were supposed to live and died the death you were supposed to die. Because the effects of sin are now abolished, we can have perfect union with God.

That's the goods news. You're forgiven. Jesus died next to a rapist and a murderer. The guy on his left asked for forgiveness and Jesus said He'd be in eternity with him forever, and the guy on the right made fun of him and is not dead forever. Which person are you? If you're the one on the right, where's your hope? Are you the only person I've ever met that won't die?

If your starting point isn't absolute truth, then you're just making things up as you go and nothing makes sense. If you believe in creation isn't it odd that everything fits together in this world so perfectly? Was that really an accident? Al these laws of physics and dynamics? Did an explosion create that? I blew up a lot of mail boxes in my teenage years, and I'm here to tell you that 0% of those explosions created flowers, water, and life. Put it this way, if you lived in a time before watches existed, meaning you had no idea what they were because they didn't exist, but you can across a watch one day while walking around in the forest, wouldn't you think someone created it? Or, did it just become something out of nothing?

Here's my point. God freaking loves you. You're his child. Stop running away from home. Not only will he forgive you, but you'll feel His forgiveness. When Christ takes away your sins because you've invited Him into you heart, you and God become intimate again. Yes...YOU CAN KNOW GOD. Ask any Christian you know that has a relationship with Jesus. How do I know Jesus is real? The same way I know you are real or this computer is real. I can feel it, work with it, sense it, and sometimes even see it. This love fulfills your sould and you can feel it in your bones. It's better than anything this world offers- times infinity. This is why King David would write things like "Your love is better than life" - Psalm 63:3. This is why people like me can't stop talking about God, because he's what we were created to know. This is why, although I have a million things I'm supposed to do today and I haven't slept well that I'm overjoyed to get up in the morning and proclaim the good news to you. I hope you hear it.

The Self

2010-09-30T04:29:00.000-07:00

Someone I love greatly just had a breakup. I don't know exactly what happened, but I do know she's hurting because I've been there and its not a place I seek to be either. Rejection hurts, no doubt about it. I've got a lot of thoughts on how to deal with that, not only because I've had to, but also because we have a God who designed everything. That means he designed the idea of rejection and the feeling that comes with it. Therefore, He knows why it happens, and because He loves us, He tells us how to avoid it. However, that's a topic for a different time. What I want to talk about is her response to my inquisition if she was doing ok.

She said "I'll be fine, just have to look within myself."

This ideas has long been permeated into the minds of men. We're told by lost fathers and a wrong society that, as men, part of our masculinity is perseverance by some power with in us. Or, to find some strength within us to make the world around us a better place. I'm now seeing this idea more widely accepted by most everyone I know and it concerns me greatly. Why? Because the idea is a lie.

If you already disagree with me, which I'm sure you do, then my proof is in two main facts: 1. You don't have a personal relationship with Jesus (which is what a Christian really is). 2. You currently don't serve the least and the lost around you (millions of homeless children, sex-trade industry, or world-wide refugees), because your chief concern in this world is your own livelihood- even though our one command from God is to love others as you love yourself. I know this because #2 depends on #1, and neither would you have if you were currently looking to yourself for anything positive.

See, goodness is best shown by our actions towards others and this fruit comes solely from a relationship with God. It's not something you can conjure up from some strength inside you. Sure, you can do some good here and there, but it's rooted in you proving me wrong or trying to make much of yourself- which is really just pride, and pride is the root of everything evil (see Lucifer..) When you have God, you have His love. Then you can forget about yourself and help others.

God tells us that we have no good in us. No one. Not one:
Romans 3:10: "There is none righteous, no, not one: .... They are corrupt, and their ways are vile; there is no one who does good"
Luke 18:19 ""Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good--except God alone"

The bible also talks at length about how we are unable to do anything good if we are separated from God. This is because God created life and everything good. Therefore, we have no good if we are not one with Him. If God is life and you are not His, then what are you? Death. That's why people go to Hell, because they're not on the life train. I mean really- If you don't love being with God now, following his ways, worshiping his name -why the heck do you want to go to heaven and do something you don't like to do - forever?

One of the things that led me to a relationship with God was looking at my heart and realizing that I really didn't care about anyone but myself. If mean, if I truly want to love and serve others, that means I have to forget about Dan Bowling. Really, this world is too dang busy and there is too much going on in each of our lives to love as God commands if our sole focus is ourselves. Only when you have His love can you start to give love. We all know you can't give away what you don't have. I can't minister to kids about meth addictions because I've never been addicted to it. But, I can help young men who don't have an earthly father figure, because I don't either. I can love people (although not always perfectly), because I have love.

The other issue with looking to yourself for some sort of answer is that you have no power. Disagree? Ok- Can you make someone like you- the real you? Can you orchestrate events in your life to bring you goodness? Can you make the sun shine on your face tomorrow? Can you keep the storm from your life? Can you make sure no one you love dies? Can you keep death from knocking on your own door? Can you give yourself a guarantee that tomorrow will come, and with it a promise of goodness? Can you give yourself peace? Can you conjure up enough strength to make yourself feel loved? Can you look inside yourself and heal your hurt? They say only time heals, that's a lie - time helps you ignore it- God heals. You can't make yourself do anything. Sorry to tell you, but you're powerless.

But- I'm not. And, neither is anyone else who has a personal relationship with God. God promises us good, gives us peace, makes us feel loved, and directs our steps accordingly. If He made life and everything in it, don't you think He can also help us get the most out of it? God tells us that we are separated from Him - forever. He is perfect and loving, and we were born sinful and without any good. Not only do none of us follow His commandments - which are directions on how to get the most out of His creation we call life - but none of us have the power to. That's right. You can't do what God expects you to do. You were born into a world fully separated from God.

But, out of Love, God came down from His perfect, eternal throne into this broken, cruel world and lived the life were were supposed to live and died the death we were supposed to die for being separated from God. Because of Jesus, you can now be perfectly right with God. Its a free gift and you can't earn it. Because of Jesus's life, death, and resurrection, the separation between man and God has been destroyed- forever!

Don't look to yourself, look outside of your self. The bible is God's word. If you agree with me it's because you've read it. If you don't it's because you haven't spent any time in it. Don't be fool and reject things you have not seen with your own heart and eyes. Ask Jesus to come into your life and take on the penalty you deserve so you and God can be in a right relationship with each other. In a world where everyone is so concerned about who they know, why do you boast in knowing someone famous or the bartender or bouncer, when you can know an all knowing, all powerful God who calls you His beloved?

Here are some promises God has given us. This is what my life is based on because I've accepted Christ as my savior, treasure, and love of my life. Therefore, God and I are in a perfect, loving relationship. Because of that God gives us promises that he will do the following for those who come to Him. I mean really, you know me -if this wasn't true would I wake up three hours before work to tell you about them? Heck no.

Here are just a few of them that I love. I hope you invite a Jesus, your free savior, into your heart so you can enjoy these promises and infinitely more:

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3)

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6)

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the Throne Of Grace, that we may obtain Mercy, and find all we need" (Hebrews 4:16).

"For You, LORD, are good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon Him." (Psalm 86:5)

"I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide you with My Eye." (Ps. 32:8)

"As for me, I will behold Thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy likeness. (Ps. 17:15)

"Safety is of the LORD" (Prov. 21:31)

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. (Psalm 84:11)

"Turn to me and I will pour out My Spirit on you; I will make My Words known to you." (Prov. 1:23)

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (Psalm 23)

The Lord remembers us and will bless us... he will bless those who fear the Lord - small and great alike. May the Lord make you increase, both you and your children. May you be blessed by the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 115:12-15)

And he said to unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Living the Lie

2010-09-22T04:54:00.000-07:00

I've gotten a lot of inquisitions as to why I am no longer on Facebook. If you haven't read my blog post below on "branding" (called "I'm Awesome") I recommend you start there. It will give you a foundational understanding as to what I'm trying to protect against. It's the facade we all build so we can hide behind at some level, and I don't want to be a part of it. If you're going to be my "friend" I want you to know as much about the real me as possible. The good... and the bad. But, with Facebook, that wasn't the case. I was using it. I was using it to project this false reality about myself. Pictures of the good times, the best quotes (which I never say), or positive highlights from my life, but none of the problems, the hurt, rejection, or loss that comes - not with being Dan Bowling or with being a man- but with being a human being. I do believe, and its not my fault, that I have the best life in the world. That's right, I said it, but I say it humbly because I know it's all grace. I could have been born as an AIDS struck child in a third world country, longing to find my next meal. Also- I believe there's a high probability I'd be better off as that person, but that's a topic for another time. But, I'm me; I was born my father's son, this is my life and I get to do some of the greatest things anyone could dream. Heck, I've had books written about my life, but the things that make it on Facebook aren't the whole truth. Its only 1/2 the picture. I'm sure it's's the same for you. We're Branding, and we're using Facebook as our main medium.

So What? Well, we live in a world where truth is sometimes defined by what you believe and everyone has a right to their own belief. I feel like most people's view on this world is made up on these same 1/2 truths. We live in a society where commercials and movies force feed the lie that to be happy is to be made much of, and no matter how much you're hurting to slap a smile on your face and project that you have it together. Well, I know the truth. You don't have it together and neither do I. One of the biggest problems is that most people don't even realize they don't have it together. People spend most of their lives forgetting, running, or disengaging from the truth. We've all been rejected, let down, and hurt. That's the full truth.

Are you the type of person who fears free time? Does a whole day with nothing to do scare you? It used to for me. I didn't know what to do with my free time in college, so I'd find away to occupy my time by drinking, drugs, or trouble. Do you do the same thing? Run from free time because if you're not busy you might start thinking about why bad things happen or experience some level of guilt for the life you lead. Isn't that terrifyingly odd? We only have a moment of time left, we are all going to die, and no one knows when, yet we don't know what to do with our free time. Most people are simply running, right into their graves. However, the problem is in our hearts and wherever we run, we take our hearts with us. Most of us have soaked in the lie that having pretty things around us will make us feel beautiful, but everyone seems confused about are the right things to call pretty.

I used to believe that the way or truth of life was making stories, accumulating assets, conquer women's hearts, and working towards winning at everything. That's what every commercial, ad, magazine, movie, and friend I had told me. These were hard wired into me and what I believed was the truth about how to be a man. I'm learning now that being a man isn't about any of these things, it's more about being able to serve, love, and lead- but that's a blog for another time.

I never stopped to think about why I'm really here or what life is all about. I was too caught up in running from yesterday or trying to prove myself today. Most of the people I know are quite the same. Some don't realize it, other's don't want to, but most of us are living a life that is, at a foundational level, about solely trying to prove ourselves.

Ok, so I'm rambling. Here's my point. Most of what most people believe isn't based on any substantial truth. Its idea they got from a movie or an ad that was trying to sell them something, or from someone's Facebook page. For a lot of people still drinking, sleeping, and smoking their lives away, truth is something they made up to help themselves cope with the life they're living. They believe they are legitimated in their actions because their friends are doing the same things. Well, your friends are doing what you're doing because they're just as confused as you- that's probably why you're friends... I look around and see a world that's living a lie. I know, because I lived it with them. I don't want to participate in the facade or the lie and I don't want you to either. Isn't it odd that you've never stopped to figure out why you're alive? Especially considering you're going to die? I mean, no one gets out of here alive...

I charge you to stop and ask yourself a few questions:

1. Have you found anything that givers you lasting satisfaction? I'm not talking about a joyful feeling after a date (well, some dates) or buying a new car. I'm talking about a sense of fulfillment and peace that never leaves you, not matter the circumstances. I'm taking about a foundational truth that the death of a loved one or a major let down cannot begin to affect. Have you found that?

2. Is there anything in this world that doesn't have a purpose? From maggots, to trees, to grass, to viruses, everything that lives was designed to have a purpose. Do you think you're somehow different- just here randomly... by accident?

3. If there is a God do you think He's implemented a foundational design or truth on how life should be lived or what life is for, a truth that would lead to fulfillment, hope, and peace? If there's a God, do you think He could possibly have some good advice on how we should be livin it?

I started asking myself these questions a few years back when I realized that I had more than any other human being I knew, yet it was never enough. I started asking about why the heck I am here? Did I just randomly get born and then I'll die and its all some big mistake caused by nothing? Really, tell me, other than a God who created you, how the heck did you get here and what's the meaning of your life? I got so upset and confused because nothing made much sense when I started asking the question WHY?? Every "truth" I got from the world about why I was here or in response to the deep desires of my heart had zero depth to them. When I started asking the big questions, all I found were little answers. I realized that the things I was living for didn't matter, didn't last, wouldn't fulfill, and, in the end- simply weren't true. I was running a rat race, when I started to win, I realized I was still just a rat.

Then, in my search I came across the worlds of a man who claimed He was God.

Jesus said: "I am the way, the truth, and the life."

Whoa. What? That's got to be either pure insanity or pure truth. Was he lying too? I had to know if Jesus was telling the truth or if He was lying like most everything else in this wold. I mean really, Jesus said some crazy stuff. He's either crazy or He's telling the truth.

So… I investigated. There's thousands of history books written on Jesus where you can look to see if he lived. I saw hundreds of quotes from people like Napoleon who said:
"I know men and I tell you that Jesus Christ is no mere man. Between Him and every other person in the world there is no possible term of comparison. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creation of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men would die for Him."

I noticed the several hundred references to Jesus in the Old testament, and I talked to many people who claimed to know Him. I thought about how odd it is that no one knows where His grave site is, which we tend to know about every major historical figure. But, most importantly, I began to think about Jesus' words of "I am the way, the truth, and the life." What if He was telling the truth? Jesus became the unavoidable issue in my life, because if He's telling the truth and I miss it...I'm screwed. Forever.

I don't want you to go through what I had to go through to factually prove to yourself that Jesus wasn't lying. You don't have to do research. You just have to ask Him if He's real. Ask Him if He'll come into your life. I laugh at so called atheists who talk about how God isn't real, but have never asked God to come into their lives. That's like telling me I don't have any milk in my refrigerator, but without ever looking (I have tons of milk by the way).

Anyway, don't keep living the lie that you've been living. You don't have to build a facade or keep searching for happiness. It's not a pursuit or a belief, its a relationship. If you stop and spend even a small amount of time in reflection you'll realize there's something wrong with this world and it's leading to a lot of negative things. Nothing in this world works correctly if it's not used how it was created -- Do you know that you were created for God? Inquire to Him. Or, you can keep trying everything else and stop back in 40 years after your search ends with nothing but paper money, rusted cars, multiple mortgages, and an empty heart.

God is real. He is alive, active, and wants to participate in your life. I tell you this because its the only thing that matters.

Invite Him in and see the way, the truth, and the life.

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11

Radical

2010-09-03T04:45:00.000-07:00

Last night someone commented to me that I’ve must have had a radical change in my life and it got me to thinking about some things. First off, yes- I have. But, if you’re reading this you know me, so you probably already knew that. But, I spent last night thinking about this phenomenon because, as I’ve alluded too many times, change in people is normally an internal fight that never bears any positive fruit without the help of an outside influence.

So how does radical change happen in one’s life? How does someone go from exhaling one behavior to exalting a completely different behavior? I’ve seen multiple people go from pure self concern to complete obliviousness of their own needs. I’ve seen radical change in many hearts and lives in a few short years. I’ve watched as my own desires change without even a hint of action on my behalf. It just starts to happen.

Jesus said “Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” Jesus did not say “He who believes in Me will realize all the blessings of God,” but in essence said “He who believes in Me will have everything he receives escape out of him.”

Our Lord’s teaching is always anti-self-realization. His purpose is not to simply make us better people, but to make us into a people exactly like Himself. People that are less concerned with being made much of because we are too busy making much of everyone else. If we believe in Jesus, it is not what we gain but what He pours through us that counts. God’s purpose is not simply to make us beautiful, blessed people, but to make us so full of Himself that we overflow with His character, love, vision, and power.

I think the biggest thing you’ll start to see and understand is what Love is. I’m getting a glimpse- it’s exciting. I see it’s more than support, it's more than a feeling, and its more than loyalty. If it were just support, then my friends who supported my lifestyle in college loved me better than anyone. But, those experiences almost killed me- So, it can’t just be support. It can’t just be that feeling you get that people call being “in love,” because that feeling normally diminishes after some time, but that doesn’t mean the love diminishes with it. Or, what happens when someone says they love you but leaves you or hurts you to the core? Did they not love you or were they just confused on what love really was? I'd say they were confused.

I've told people I loved them and didn't. I wasn't trying to lie to them, I just didn't what what love was. For me, what I really meant was I love what you can give me. However, as soon as you take that away from me (approval, sex, status,)I was out of there! Love without responsibility is more of a manipulation based on fear of rejection. For, God tells us that "perfect love casts out fear."

So, what is love?

The scriptures shows God's love as more of a decision than anything. He chose to love us, but also takes great pleasure in it. So, love (I believe) is more a decision that is sometimes associated with a feeling. I mean, I love my brother, but the feeling I have towards him isn’t the same feeling I will have towards my wife. I loved my new car, but when it started breaking down, I stopped loving it. Is that love or is it something totally different then? I think it’s different.

Anyway, the point here is this: When you put your faith in Christ, you get a free, open, loving, personal relationship with God Himself. He comes to you and radically changes you from the inside out. He gives you the ability to truly take on the responsibility to love someone- to make that decision through thick or thin. We don't deserve God's love, but he made the decision to love us anyway, just as the scriptures tell us:

"Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

When God comes into your life like this it’s called being born again because you literally start becoming a completely different person. You become more like Him because He comes and lives in you. The gospel isn’t just that you get to be forgiven and right with God. The gospel isn’t just that don’t have to live forever without God because He invites you to Heaven. The Gospel is God – You get God. Just as the Bible tells us, too. It's all happening now, to millions of people all around you.

It’s a gift. Readily available and not something you can earn. As Revelations tells us, God is “Making all things new.” And, He wants to start with our heart. If you let him.

Branding: I'm Awesome.

2010-08-20T04:08:00.000-07:00

I just walked into Caribou and replied that “I’m Awesome!” when asked how I was doing. This created a reaction throughout the entire work place wondering why I’m doing so dang well. I could have told them that I’m tired of waiting for this supposed “good news” that I’ve been waiting about two months to hear, or that I’m a little frustrated with the dating scene in the suburbs, or that I’m sick of being sick, or that I’m tired of being tired, or shared my general discouragement with multiple situations in my life during this season.

I could have explained my cynical theory on how “Southern Hospitality” is actually more rude than the North’s supposed lack of hospitality and how much it bothers me, or I could have talked about how irritated I am that so many people I interact with are missing the point in life. I definitely could have gone into this long spiel on how unbearable it is to truly be a Chicago Cubs or Minnesota Timberwolves fan(atic).

I could have been more honest with them and told them I’m really struggling with fear, anxiety, and a few behavioral issues that keep kicking my butt. I could have told them I’ve been trying to become a better person, love the homeless, donate to better causes, and reflect the love of God I feel inside to those around me, but the movement is going pretty slow. I’m currently staring into the ugly face of a bad situation and for the first time in years –maybe my whole life- I’m not immediately sure what I should do.

But instead I told them I was doing “Awesome!”

I wasn’t lying.

CS Lewis and Peter Kraft have written a lot about how this can be true. They both talk about how every need or desire we have as humans has an object to fulfill it. These desires are mainly: food, drink, sex, knowledge, friendship, and beauty. These desires are filled by some readily available object. For example: When you’re hungry you can eat and when you’re thirsty you can have some water. The object of fulfillment is food and water in this scenario.

But, what can you do to conjure up joy, fulfillment or satisfaction - some of the deep emotional desires of our hearts? I searched for years to figure this out. I tried a lot of money. I tried new cars, clothes, and homes. I tired dating models, backpacking the world, and winning championships. I tried promotions, cool friends, and parties. I tried it all and as I look around this world, especially here in America, I see most of you trying everything too.

This incapability to find an object to fill my emotional desires is what drove me for most of my life. As everything in this world begins to let us down we become more and more fragile, insecure, and afraid that we’ll never find the answer. Sure, things like eating, sex, drugs, and (whatever) might feel good here and there, but in they never lead to a life-long fulfillment of joy and satisfaction. The objects given to us in this world don’t comprehensively fulfill our emotional desires and when we start to realize this is when we start a process in our lives that I call Branding.

It’s the same thing corporations do with new products to make you think they are worthy. I started building this “Dan Brand” since the first notion of my insecurity crept in due to my inability to feel completely and wholly satisfied. For 22 years I polished, built and worked to create this façade, this brand of myself to communicate to the world that I had it together and that I had all the answers. Facebook is now a mainstream medium for doing this. It’s why you only put up the funny or beautiful picture of yourself or think for hours on the perfect quote or comment to post that will reflect who you want the world to think you are. However, who you think the world thinks you are isn’t built on reality, it’s an idea you’ve built in your head and it’s all a part of your internal branding.

But anyway – you get the point. If we all felt wholly satisfied, loved and fulfilled we wouldn’t be acting the way we do. You wouldn’t have to drink to the point that your inhabitations fade and you can lose the ever present feeling of insecurity. You wouldn’t have to do insane things so people thought you were cool. You wouldn’t lie or react in anger with that intensely refined self defense mechanism you’ve created over the years every time someone even remotely begins to attack your brand.

No… You’d be free.

I’m doing awesome no matter what maybe going on in my life because my inner most needs have been satisfied. My soul is fully contented in God’s love because it’s what I was created for. There’s freedom here because perfect loves casts out fear (1 John 4:18). I don’t have to build a brand anymore to prove anything because I’m free from that bondage. No matter life’s circumstances I’m completely satisfied. As God told us: “I am the way, the truth, and the life,” and He wasn’t lying, namely because He cannot lie, but also because He created life and He created us; He knows what life is for, and how it best be experienced.

As CS Lewis states it:

1. Every natural or innate desire we experience has a corresponding real object that can satisfy the desire.
2. We experience an innate desire which nothing in this world can satisfy.
3. Therefore, there must be a real object that transcends the world which can satisfy our deepest desire for joy.

God is the object. Ask Him to come into your life.

Heavenly Father,

2010-07-06T16:29:00.000-07:00

I know you hear my voice, not just because your Word tells me so, but because you've always gently answered back. Not always have I received what I wanted, but always what I needed. I ask now that you expedite the work you began in my heart when I gave up trying to be my own God: To create me into the image of your Son. A promise given to me in your Word, the radical transformation that began a few years ago on that glorius day. This, the beginning of your master plan to redeem and rebuild the world, starting with the heart's of your children is a song that will be sung forever. Since then you've slowly changed my desires; you've curved my appetite for the things of this world that will not fulfill: Everything but you. You created the world for this purpose and in the quest to know you, we people find our only fulfillment.

Yet lately my heart has run away. Again I find myself seeking the approval of men, chasing after green paper, and longing for women to esteem me greatly. I spent the day researching airplanes and lake homes. I continually buy into the lie that the more I get the more I will be loved. But, I look around at this beautiful home filled with expensive guitars, top of the line televisions, world class appliances, and pictures from all around the world that reflect a past of leisure and entertainment... They all whisper the same reality: that I've placed a heavy burden of expectation on them which was only meant for You. My heart's desire for peace, love, joy, and fulfillment is simply my heart's desire to know the creator of my soul, who knit me together only so I could experience His love. Nothing in this world works if it is used for purposes other than what it was created for. When you came to me I knew it was You and I knew You were the answer. Now, it seems I've ran away again. Filled with anxiety and bordum, I seem to have lost the peace within me, and the excitment of knowing the great "I Am" is always with me. I've much spent time here before. I remember a youth of foggy nonsense: seeking the lie of materialism, consumerism, and exaltation from people as lost as I am. The blind chasing the blind. The lost leading the lost without care or knowledge of the nothingness in our path.

I know nothing outside of being Your son will legitimate me as a man or fulfill me as a human. These things...things... sadly represent the lie the world has bought into: that plastic, metal, and paper make us children, men, or women. I have everything I've ever wanted, but without you I have nothing. I know you created us for a relationship with You. I ran away for 23 years and you welcomed me back- no questions asked, pure amazing grace. Are not my troubles because I've abandoned the One who rules over all? People believe that you care for us not, pointing to the pain of this world. But, You already paid the ultimate price to fix it the day You died on a tree and rose again. When I close my eyes I can feel your love echoing through my bones.

But, I've again exalted the creation over the creator, just as I had before you took me back. Please Father, forgive me and restore my heart. Fill me with your Spirit and steal my soul back. Protect me from myself, for I have listened to the lies of my heart and not your soft voice. As I ignore the beauty of this world and the least of the least I am but ignoring You. I know that only when we stand before something greater than ourselves can we feel the presence of greatness. I long to stand in front of You and feel Your presence. Again. Some more. Forever. I love you- because You first love me. Thank you. Amen.

Fear to Guilt

2010-06-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

Fear to Guilt:
I've noticed it in you lately. I've noticed it in myself too. It’s deeply interwoven into your persona, into your thought process, into your decisions, and into your reactions. I watch people's reactions after I tell then good newsand they react in fear and skepticism. Your visions of wonderful things quickly get a sepia tone wash-out. You’ve become cynical because you feel guilty and scared. You’ve discounted joy and adventure in this life and traded it in for mediocrity and security. It's boring and monotonous.

You're all paralyzed by fear. Somewhere, somehow something terrible happened to you. That's right, me too. If you're alive you've been hurt, and it is terrible. You've had someone near to you die, you've had someone you trust violate you physically or emotionally, or you’ve turned into the person you hated the most. It’s left a scar you can't hide- no matter how much you try to forget, try to change, or try to run away.

If you’re in this boat, and you are if you're honest with yourself, then you’re probably driven by fear or paralyzed by guilt. It just depends on if you were the perpetrator or the victim. If you're driven by either of these emotions then you probably see your life unfolding in one of two ways and for most of us it’s a little of both.

1. You dominate. You see this mostly in men. They don't want to be hurt. They don't want be rejected, they don't want to be let down, they don't want whatever happened when they were younger to happen again, so they dominate all situations. They aim to control the situation, as an attempt to control the outcome. They don’t want to be rejected, used, or hurt. They don’t want to fail or harm- So they attempt to dominate the situation, thus controlling the outcome- which you have either found out or you will soon find out that you can’t. Then you move towards the next stage:

2. You're disengaged. I see this in most everyone I know and I struggle mightily in this arena, too. The old, younger self turned to domination, but when I learned that I can't control the world I turned to this medium to cope. You probably do too. It’s why everyone drinks or smokes so much, or becomes workaholics or runs away or sleeps around. It’s a way…to just get away. Life is easier this way –I agree. It’s easier to be non-confrontational and distant. It’s easier to pretend you don’t care and remove yourself from any emotion. Overtime you become numb, but numb is better than feeling. But, soon you realize you’re not even living. You’ve become a zombie, just going through the motions. You’re slowly melting away- as if you’re already dead.

No matter where you are (I'm a little of both) the result of a life-style like this is guilt. Guilt that you've caused pain or endured pain and guilt that you’ve become someone you didn’t want to become. Your life has paralyzed you so greatly you are yelling, running, or doing both. We all have dreams, and your vision of how your life was supposed to be has been supplanted by a reality that you can't confront because that would mean you failed. So, you're running. You spend your time minimizing pain and building up security. You've got a facade that Facebook helps you hide behind and no one really knows the real you. Instead we spend our lives not letting anything think we've been molested, raped, or beaten. We guard our image so no one will find out we're gay or that we've slept with half a college campus. We tell ourselves we're someone we are not and we hope the world will never see the truth. We tell eachother we are good, but we all know we are a mess. We know that what we are doing today doesn’t fulfill us, but we don’t know where to go next, so we just go back to what we were doing.

I call this dying. You're not alive, you're dying. I've been there. I know. You've been taught your whole life that you're good, that' you've got it together, and that everything will be ok, but your guilt screams a different truth.

That's why I love the Gospel. Gospel means good news. The good news is this: You don't have it together and you never will. God will never say to you "Well done my faithful servant." If you're hoping that when you die God will be there with a loving smile because you lived the "right" life, you are in a heap freaking load of crappy trouble. Sorry. It’s true. If you think because your child or spouse died that God owes you something, you're wrong. You're not getting anything from Him when you die. You can tell yourself I'm wrong, but I dare you to find the truth and show me. I don't care if you feed the homeless, write blogs on God and run an orphanage; you are screwed if you think you've done enough good to get in. How much good is good enough for heaven? Perfection. So, good luck with that.

Now you ask- how is that good news? It’s called freedom. God knows you don't have it together. He loves you anyway. Do you think God's some tough task masker who's holding out on you with all his rules? You don't know him. You're wrong. He's amazing. I said God doesn't owe you anything because He already gave you everything.
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His name is Jesus. You've heard of him. You probably hate him. That's ok. I did too. Someone once told me it was okay that I didn't believe in God because God believed in me. I think what they meant to say is that God loves me anyway. What does that mean? Well, first off -love is more than a feeling- it’s a decision. And, for our sake, God made a decision to love us. Here's how he did it:

He took the wrath we deserve for being screw-ups. For wasting our lives, for being afraid, for walking past homeless people and judging instead of helping, for ignoring the pain around us and doing nothing to make a difference in this shitty world. The wrath we deserve for lying to ourselves, for beating our wives, for molesting our children, for divorcing our spouses that we promised to love through thick and thin. He took the wrath for pretending we are perfect, for making our own rules, for deciding what life is about even though we didn't create it. For being someone who can't tell the truth because they are so afraid that someone won't like who they really are. For being a people that would rather die than live the life they've made for themselves. For being a people that fall so short of perfection that we create new rules and new laws to curve our guilt. For being some one who's pissed at God and gets more enjoyment out of telling Him to go screw Himself. If you're saying this isn't you, then you're lying to yourself and the whole world around you. Even this one little lie makes you unworthy of eternity in a perfect place. You could disregard all of this, but there is no greater mistake you can make. You will die. Then what?

But, God in His infiniate mercy and love for YOU took that anger and poured it on someone else on YOUR behalf. He took the only man who lived a perfect life and made him die in your place. Jesus lived the life you should have lived and died the death you deserve. But, that's not all. You get His reward too. It’s called justification through faith and it’s the only faith the bible teaches. As soon as you let Jesus take your place, acknowledging who He is and who you are not, then you get the smile of God that Jesus gets. Jesus’ life replacing your life and Jesus’ gift become your gift. That's what Grace is, and it truly is Amazing- it's the most beautiful thing in the world.

This is the only way you’ll ever stand before God and have him say "Well done my good and faithful servant.” And, it’s not because God is bad, it’s because you are bad. But, He wants to save you anyway, even if you have ignored him your whole life and are still pissed at Him because you think He stole your wife, dad, or friend. Maybe it was the only way he could get your attention? I don’t know and I don’t care, but what I do care about is letting you know that there’s a place for your guilt, fear, and death – it’s on a cross. Dead and gone. Forgiven and forgotten as far as the east is from the west, it its been that way since He rose from the dead- in your place.

Have you ever been around someone who loves you so much you can feel it? That's how it is when you feel God's smile. It changes you: From the inside out. You start to become a new person. You're gilt is taken away because you are no longer guilty! Your fear fades, because you are perfectly loved for being who you are- a mess. Your life becomes something beautiful because you were created to be loved by God and you can now feel it. You become born again. The fearful, guilt driven, drunken, mean, afraid, pitiful person gets replace by a new, fulfilled, optimistic person who sees life as the perfect risk. You become covered by God, able to take a risk and not worry. He’s got your back. You become too rich to care if you go bankrupt, too wealthy to care if you lose everything, too loved to care if everyone hates you, and driven to love the one that paid it all so you could truly live.

I invite you to give up. I invite you to stop trying to get it all together. Stop trying to pretend you're not hurting inside or that your life of meaninglessness matters. Live for something bigger than yourself. Let God take your guilt away. Let God make you into who you were created to be before you started running away from who you are. I can promise you that God's love is better than anything this life can give you or anything death can take away. You know it must be true because you’ve tried everything else and it just lets you down. Ask Jesus to be your savior, to take your place, to take your penalty, so you can have His reward.

The Gospel allows you the opportunity to be set free. What are you going to do with your freedom?

God's Promise

2010-03-03T05:08:00.000-08:00

Christianity...The Bible...God. I had an atheist (now a believer) ask me about why these topics were so complicated. I reminded him that everything that matters and that is real is complicated. A real car is more complicated than a toy car, a real saxophone is more complex that a plastic one. Even a table, which looks simplistic and stable, is made up of billions of moving protons, electrons, and other particulates.

I could write for days on what God has taught me in four short years of bible study, seminary classes, and listening. We have a infinite God, so our understanding will never be fully complete. However, I want to touch on what I believe is one of the most important aspects to understand about Christianity, God, and the Bible: God's Promise.

Christianity isn't about what you can do for God, its about what God did for you. Its not about you or what you can do for God, but its about a promise he made to Abraham thousands of years ago. Starting in Genesis we see that God told Abraham that his seed will be the beginning of a seed that will reign forever - including heaven.

Back in that time contracts were not signed like they are today, instead the parties in agreement would slaughter a few of their choice animals and line the body parts along side of a road. Then, together the party would walk in between the body parts. This was to signify what would become of either party if the agreement was not fulfilled. In Genesis 15 we see this taking place. However, Abraham is not present. Instead, God a lone walks down the road. This is a corner store event in history, as God is saying "Even if you fail your side of the bargain (mankind) I will fulfill this promise by providing the sacrifice myself."

After hundreds of years of mankind not fulfilling our side of the bargain, God indeed provided the sacrifice- He let us kill Him on a tree. The creation killed the creator, but only to fulfill the creator's promise to the creation.

This fact should strike us deeply in the way we live: A life of service projects, charity events, and gratitude will not pave your way into Heaven and that its not about being good enough, but realizing the He is good enough. We learn that only due to belief that God made and will fulfill this promise was Abraham himself counted as righteous. What does that mean for us?

That means we need to have faith. Faith a lone. We need to realize that Jesus was God and believe in him. Paul points this out by reminding us that we are saved "NOT according to our works, but according to His own promise. Which was fulfilled through grace by Christ Jesus from all eternity." Jesus was the fulfillment of that promise.

However, Faith isn't simply believing. The bible teaches us that: "You believe in God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder." Instead, faith is a deep seeded trust.

Let me ask you this: How can you trust someone you don't know?

When we come to know Jesus, we trust Jesus. This is how we come to truly love God. At this point we become changed by Him in a radical way that I've talked about many times. We begin taking risks, selling all we have to know Him greater. Jesus becomes our treasure and our whole lives are about getting more of it (more of Him).

On the cross, God’s fulfillment of his promise drives us to serve and love because we realize He already paid the price. We can't earn it, as it already happened for us. No longer do we live to create a market for ourselves - performing well due to a need for approval- but live to enjoy promise that God gave us. We live a life that is about serving because that's what God did for us.

We learn that security is not founds in the hands of man made dollars, homes, or praises. But, in relationship with a sovereign, Holy God who took our debt upon the shoulders of His son, who promises that no good thing with He withhold from us. Therefore, our souls have been purchases and paid in full. No longer do we belong to ourselves, but we are owned by God... and it is beautiful.

When you come to know Jesus as your father, friend, priest, savior and God, you realize that God has already validated you and you are His....and when you realize He is all you need, He becomes all you want.

Experience Radical Change

2010-02-18T04:52:00.000-08:00

It was a few years back I had a very wise person console me after a bad break-up. I was perfectly reminded that people, for the most part, don't change and my efforts shouldn’t be wasted on trying to fix the deep issues that lead to the separation. He reminded me of the hundreds of people that can't stop drinking or can't stop smoking. Numerous examples of people who were jerks in middle school who were still jerks ten years later. We talked about how people spend millions of dollars in 12 step programs, group meetings, and counceling- just fighting to have better thoughts and better habbits. Most of the time, if change does come, it is short lived. Recidivism rates are enormous, and even emotionally devastating events like divorce don't seem to bring about change:

o 53% percent of first marriages end in divorce
o 67% of second end in divorce
o 74% of third marriages end in divorce

The fact for the matter is pretty simplistic. Humans, for the most part, are foundationally the same: unquenchable egos, unappeasable hearts, and in desperate need of love. I spoke a little about these in my blog entitled “Don’t Pray for Me,” so I’m not going to dive into now, but instead focus my thoughts on change.

Deep inside us (Yes...You) there is this distant scream to be a better person. To care about the homeless people you drive by, to love your family better, to serve the lesser than, to watch the news on Haiti and actually care. You deeply desire to start seeing and living for more than just your little life, little story, or tiny personal goals. I promise you: It is there...It was this voice interjected into my life, demanding a change to who I was becoming as a man. I realized then: I wanted a different life.

So, what to do then? I tried to change. I worked at it. I volunteered and also started working for free on the weekends. I undertook a massive effort to become a better person. I set goals to remind myself to donate money or serve, I started tutoring at local school, too. But, I failed. I faied hard and fast. Over time I became tired and realied it couldnt make myself change. I wasn’t fooling anyone. Actually, all that happened in this little phase of life was that my disgusting, sick ego expanded with pride...which actually made my heart shrink even more.

But- here’s the amazing part. God tells us, because He wants to be a part of our lives, that He will change us. He tells us in Ezekiel that if we come near Him, He will “Take away your stubborn heart and give you a new heart.. You will have only pure thoughts, because I will put My Spirit in you." God tells us that He will give us His Holy Spirit and it will make us loving and patient (Galatians 5:22).

What we are talking about here is being “Born Again.” I know, I know, you HATE the term. I always used to rip on these self righteous people who talked about being "Born Again."

But...then it happened to me. I wanted to be a better man (not that I’m perfect now), I wanted to care about the dying world around me, I wanted to serve the world around me, raise up men and love women correctly. If there was a better life available – I wanted it. So, I drew near to God.(Heck, I'd tried evertyhing else). I asked him to come into my life and what happened next is the most explosive, astonishing, perfectly amazing thing that can happen to us in this world.

He Changed me. It was Radical. It was drastic and thorough. It was Perfect.(I'm not perfect, but the experience was and is perfect) You can tell when someone has experienced God’s love- because they are never the same again. Like a tidal wave to your soul, you can't experience His love and not be changed. It’s the most astonishing, startling reaction this world conains(thus the reason Christians can’t stop talking about in!)

It’s the only reason I wake up in the morning and write this dang blog- Because, even if one person in the world reads this and decides they’ve had enough with their little, boring, non-impactful, simplistic “work to retire to die” life - defined by pretending they are happy, instead of truly being happy- and decide they want to truly live, then know that you have a God who wants to give you life.

“I came so that everyone would have life, and have it in its fullest. (John 10:10)”

We have no guarantee on a tomorrow. Invite Him in today.

Trouble...Trouble, Trouble, Trouble.

2010-02-11T04:25:00.000-08:00

Man...This world is hard. Sickness, death, diseases, rejection, pain, lies, etc. etc. I get asked the question a lot about why - if God is so "good" is this world so "bad." The obvious, quick answer is: Sin. God didn't make us so wicked, our distance from God made us wicked. However, most older people are consumed by the lie that they aren't actually wicked- but that's a topic for another time.

"For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundatly in comfort too." - 2 Corinthians 1:5. There is our promise and the answer. God always keeps a pair of scales; in one side He puts his people's trials, and in the other He puts their consolations. When the scale of trials is full, the scale of consolation is just as heavy.

Trials make room for consolation. There is nothing that makes man have a big heart like a great trials. I always find that little, miserable people, whose hearts are about the size of a grain of mustard seed, never heave had much to try them. I have found that those people who have no sympathy for their fellows- who never weep for the sorrows of others- vey seldom have had any woes of their own. Instead, when trouble comes for them - they run. They disengage. They ignore, and run to consumption or denial, instead of looking the trouble in the face. They live in a fake, pretend world, where "everything is ok."

When showers fall most, there the grass is greenest.

Great hearts can only be made by great trouble. When God comes into our heart and finds it full, He begins to break away our comforts to make it empty. Then there is more foom for grace. The humber a man is, the more comfort he will always have.

Above all, when your God hides his face, do not say He has forgotten you. He is but tarrying a little to make you love Him better. When He comes, you will have joy in the Lord and will rejoice with joy unspeakable. That is the way to be happy - to live hear God. So then, while trouble abounds - it drives us to God. For, where else are you going to go?

God tethers His people. He would rather restrain them than lose them. So God binds them with afflication to keep them near Him, to preseve them, and have them in His presence. It is a blessed fact that as our troubles about, so our consolations about also.

Look at your prayer life when troubled vs. peacefull and happy. Is there a difference? When do you feel closest to your maker?

- Adapted from "Joy in your life" by Charles Spurgeon

I Hate Religion

2010-01-29T04:04:00.000-08:00

I hate religion. This isn’t a post where in a few paragraphs I repeat that sentence, but add “or I use to” or “that something has changed.” No. I hate religion and I always will. Man's made up way to reconcile ourselves to God. Man's crutch to feel good; fill ourselves with pride and boulevard to down on others. I agree with Larry Crab, who once said "Religion is the Devil."

I think religion is about man’s way of trying to reconcile ourselves to God, as if we have something to offer our creator or a way to earn his love. With this thinking it’s easy to judge people. We are able to point out with tangible proof how people are failing to live it right. Good works and pure behavior as the means to our relationship with God perfectly equip us to tell others they are missing out on the joys of God today and welcoming in hell tomorrow. Religion allows us to judge because it is based on our actions. However, that way of thinking is not found in the bible or at the roots of any Christian doctrine. It is simply an unfounded, untrue, deceit that has permeated our thinking. Living with this type religious ideal will intensely rip apart any hope for building a true relationship out of love. Instead, it give others the desire to run away from what you are trying to offer them- and rightly so.

Christianity is different. Or, it’s supposed to be. Christianity is a gift that we cannot earn. It was given to us out of grace and love. Jesus told us that “salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.” Yet, in our judgment of others, boasting is completely what we are doing- taking something we didn’t earn and blaming others for not earning it. It would be like blaming you for not being born in my family. I had nothing to do with it and either do you. It just happens.

If we truly understand the gospel – “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith. God did this to demonstrate his justice and love.” Once God showed me what was truly in my heart, pride, vindication, strife, loneliness, judgments, lusts, lies, self-righteousness, manipulation, rage, and a million other unholy things, it became clear I was in no condition to look down at anyone or anything, because I certainly fell short of perfection.

However, out of love for his creation; God came to live the life I should have lived, and die the death I deserve to die.

How can anyone judge others for any of this?

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It’s astounding how many times in my life I’ve shared advice to help someone out. Weather a diet, work-out plan, a class schedule, a routine, a book, or a new technology. All were received with thanksgiving. But, when it comes to the gospel people literally run away.

I guess I was the same way most of my life. I hated these types of people because I was dominating in my life. But, then I realized two key things:

1. My life wasn’t leading anywhere. The desire to be a great dad and the perfect husband was overcome by a man who would rather get drunk, beat people down, and chase pleasure. I would manipulate the world around me to either be exalted or receive what I wanted. I was on my way to becoming just like my own dad, not someone radically different. No one in the outside world knew that, but honestly - you become what you revere, either for ruin or restoration.

2. True Christianity is much different than the religion I grew up getting shoved in my face and hating. Christians are a group of people who don’t have it together. That’s why they need a savior and are so thankful for one. They aren’t a group of people who do have it together, don’t need help, and want to rub it in my face.

I decided I wanted to be a better person. I wanted to care about the homeless, I wanted to encourage the least of us, and I wanted to know what true fulfillment was. Not the kind you get from a new purchase or a success, as those disappeared, but fulfillment and joy that is with us just from being alive. I wanted to know that my vapor of time on this earth had some sort of meaning.

No one has come to Christ by losing and argument. It’s like the discussion I had with an atheist a while back who refused to believe in God. I told him his choice to not believe isn’t fair because he hasn’t search through all the data. He hasn’t asked God to come into his life. It’s as if he was adamant that there was no food in my cupboard, but wouldn’t go open the cupboard door. At the end of our discussion he agreed and chose to inquire of God to God. He has since come to know God as father, and friend. He enjoys the peace and joy that surpasses all human understanding that is promised to us.

Out of love- If you were dying of cancer, I would tell you of chemotherapy. Out of love- If you were dying of obesity, I would tell you of diets. Out of love- if you were sad, I would try to cheer you up. Out of love - if there was a perfect peace and intense joy that you could feel throughout your being, I would tell you about God.

Don't Pray For Me

2010-01-13T20:29:00.001-08:00

A few years ago I told someone I loved that I was praying for them. She shot me a look of complete abhorrence and repulsion. She then screamed "Don't you f*cking pray for me!"

That interaction shook me to the core. It has taken me to tears. Not only because this young lady was one of the most pleasant, joyful, beautiful, loving, people I had come to know, but because of the anger in which had she responded. My comment tortured something deeply fragile within her that I didn’t know existed. I’m still horrified by her response, but I’ve learned it should probably be expected. I mean, if we take a look around at who we have become as a human race, it’s quite a predictable response. I’ve noticed a few things about us lately…

We are hyper competitive. We are always trying to "one-up" everyone. You can see it in almost every single conversation. Tell a story and see how long it takes from someone to tell what they believe to be a better one. Talk about a nice act and someone chimes in with a nicer act. Tell a cruel story and within moments someone with a "better" story of cruelty chimes in. We compare resumes, pasts, futures, and stories, and if we fall short there’s always an excuse or a negative reason why the other person was on top- and it never ends. We make sure everyone knows we are better than these people and are gunning for those people next.

We are a lonely people. I met a woman once who had thirteen kids. When I asked her why she said it was “because she kept wanting to feel love.” I wondering why she thought thirteen would do the trick if ten didn’t. I, myself, have gone about as far as a man can go to capture the feeling love. I’ve watched as friends go from girl to girl in an attempt to maximize pleasure and feel legitimated. After years of this behavior their loneliness still haunts them. Sure, they can lean on drugs, drinks, and work to help the time pass by faster, but in the end – they can’t shake the loneliness. The void can never be filled. This might be on reason why over half the population gets divorced after finding the “love of their lives.”

We are a proud people. I was in a church service with a family member who scoffed at the pastor saying that “we are all deeply flawed.” Moments later tears were falling because of a pointless, pride filled argument they started over dinner. We walk around with our heads held high, referring to our money, mate, or deeds as reasons for others to respect us, knowing deep inside its all a façade, built on lies, and its getting harder and harder to keep the image up. We don’t have it together, but we can’t let anyone know. We’d be exposed for who we really are.

A very wise man once told me that I was to remain humble because “All I have was given to me and all I know was taught.” After hearing this I grew even more proud because I had obtained a catchy phrase about humility. Forgiveness, which has the supernatural power to bring peace to war torn nations, always takes a back seat to our pride. I’ve seen people tear others apart because the other person “didn’t deserve my respect,” as if there was a laundry list to cross off before they could take the high road and lay down their own pride. Our pride has become more important to us than our families or our communal livelihood. It makes me feel miserable.

I could go on and you know I could. We go on and on in our minds as if we are “good people,” but I bet you’ll find that most of your “good deeds” were done to impress someone, make yourself feel better, or prove a point. Isn’t it interesting that our idea of helping someone else is really more about helping ourselves? I don’t believe these actions qualify as good, I think it qualifies as pride.

So, what’s wrong with us?

We could turn to Freud, Maslow, Frankl, or Skinner for a personality theory to explain why we act this way. But, I don’t think either of these guys gets it 100% right, and most importantly - they don’t tell us why. That’s why God gave us Moses. He tells us what’s up in just a few chapters (Gen 2, 3).

Moses tells us that Adam and Eve only realized they were naked after they disobeyed God and let sin (distance from God) into the world. When I noticed this I couldn’t stop thinking about it. When I put it all together it became so obvious it was frightening. Moses was explaining all of humanity, right there in one chapter of the Bible.

Moses is saying that mankind is made...wired from the core to get our worth, glory, security, understanding of value, purpose, rightness with our maker, and our total significance from God. The relationship between God and his creation is so strong and God’s love is so pure that in the beginning Adam and Eve walked around naked and didn’t even realize it - they had nothing to be ashamed of! They were with God and in need of nothing more. In him they had all things.

Once they disobeyed God the relationship was broken. Everything that legitimized them was gone. All insecurity rises the instant you realize you are alone. They felt naked only when they walked away from God...And that was just the beginning. The ache of loss and the sudden, horrifying awareness of an empty self must have been a devastating feeling. I often wonder how terrible it must have felt, to no longer feel God –

Then I look around realize we are still coping with it. I see it in all of us.

Have you ever fallen deeply in love and then made yourself hate the other person when it all fell through? I think this is what is going on with the girl that told me to “F” off. But, God didn’t leave her, and he certainly didn't leave us - we left God and we do it again and again every day.

The good news is this: He’s come back for you. No matter how far away you have gone, his arms are stretched longer. He wants to forgive you. He wants to restore your heart, fix your family, and give your soul it's joy back. He wants you and He came for you. There is no life outside of the one who made life. Please don’t tell God to “F” off, it’s already gotten us into enough of a mess.

Don't Miss Christmas

2009-12-25T16:18:00.001-08:00

The holiday season comes at you with a great promise of joy, hope, and the excitement of gifts and family. It’s a time when we all come together and enjoy the ones we love and look forward to gifts we will receive. However, sometimes this season brings upon a perplexing feeling of shame and anxiety as you find yourself agitated with your in-laws, distracted by your loneliness, or deeply scarred by a family argument.

Christmas seems to start the same every year. Hours are spent cleaning the house. Energy is exhausted trying to make sure everyone looks like they have it together. You put on your best exhibition of love and happiness for distant family members coming over, talking up your kids and the “fantastically exhilarating” life you live. However, it only seems to take a few hours before you’re entirely ready for them to go home because your obnoxious cousin drank too much again, the kids are fighting, and it seems the red wine has already fully soaked into your new carpet.

Some of you knew today was going to be exceptionally rough. It might be your first Christmas with cancer; it might be your first Christmas without your spouse, a child, or dear friend. But, none the less, I don’t want you to miss Christmas. I say that because I missed Christmas for most of my life. I know some of you reading this are a bit confounded with me saying that, as it was I who had the big house and more gifts than I knew what to do with. But, I am here to tell you I wholly missed Christmas most of my life. I don’t want you to miss Christmas. I really don’t want you to miss Christmas. A little over 2,000 years ago a virgin woman became pregnant. The shame that came upon her for being pregnant before her wedding day could only be weakly defended by saying that the baby was from God. Imagine your daughter or sister telling you they got pregnant from the Holy Spirit, bearing in mind no one had heard a peep out of God for 400 years. On top of that she was moments from giving birth when she found out she had to return to her husband’s home town of Bethlehem on a donkey for a census. A place where she would undoubtedly face elevated feelings of embarrassment, disgrace, and humiliation. Oh, and the taxes were due on that very day, leaving her husband in a ripe mood for traveling with a mortified, pregnant wife.

I’m sure Mary was on the verge of a physical, mental, and emotional breakdown. Has anyone ever had an inferior day? But, this is when the good news came. In the midst of misery I cannot fully comprehend an angel appeared to them and said "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people! Today Your Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.” Can you imagine that? The first sound out of God after 400 years was a baby crying. The only one who was ever chosen to be born comes down after a two day ride on a donkey to be born in the middle of no where for no other reason that to be our savior.

I have sung Christmas songs my whole life. I’ve heard versus like “Glory to the newborn King, Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled” but never knew what that meant for me. What does this mean for me and the mess I’m in? What does that mean for those of us dying of cancer, or fighting with our family on Christmas, or caught in addictions that are killing us? What does that mean for people like me who don’t have what it takes to love like I want to love, to lead like I want to lead, and to serve the poor people I keep driving past? What does all this mean for those of you who console your hearts by rationalizing your anger towards people you are called to love by claiming they don’t deserve your respect? What does it mean for the people who are too damn tired of trying to keep it together, knowing that one more fresh coat of paint on your life-long built façade isn’t ever going to be pretty enough to cover up your hurts, fears, and anxieties? The answer is in the word “savior.”

Christmas is about God’s gracious intrusion into this broken world from his perfect perch in Heaven. It’s about the author stepping into His story. It’s about the creator of time becoming subject to it because he wants to save you. God doesn’t want your money. God doesn’t want your possessions. God doesn’t want your talents. Honestly, God doesn’t need your feeble money, possessions, or talents! Instead, he came here because he wants your sin. Yes. He desires your sin. Whether it’s a rape or a white lie it is keeping you two apart. He wants to atone for it because He can no longer identify the very people he breathed life into because we have become unrecognizable to His holy eyes.

On this day He came for us because He couldn’t stand one more moment being separated from his beloved children. He wants our souls to feel their worth and He wants death to be no more. How are we to have life if we have become separated from the only one that gives life? So, He decided to let the creation kill the creator, live the life we should have lived, and die the death we should have died.

Christmas. Christmas! It’s not about what you can give. It’s not about how well you can get your act together and it’s not about who you are trying to be. It’s about who He is. The lover of your soul wants his kid back. It’s about a gift you cannot earn, but a gift that is, nonetheless, right here longing for you. I beg you not to miss Christmas this year. For many of you there is still one gift left under the tree.

“Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices.” – O Holy Night

Smog

2009-11-27T09:08:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this while looking over Great Cruz Bay in St. Thomas, Virgin Islands. This thanksgiving has been an amazing week of deep sea fishing (caught a shark), sunset sailing trips, snorkeling, football on white sandy beaches, parasailing, aqua-jumps, and my favorite thing- time with my little brother Bobby.

However, the one thing I have been most thankful about is how God is moving in my family's heart. We have the same family arguments and disagreements as everyone else, but the latest edition seemed to remind everyone of the deep wounds we are carrying around and dragging us down. It seems to me that God has reminded us all that the facades we have put up won’t stand and do not represent the real us.

We mean not to hurt and we mean not to judge, but we can't help it. This isn't new news to anyone, and it’s very similar to what's probably going on in your family. However, my heart's joy isn't in the disagreement (obviously), but in the seemingly increased self-realization that we aren’t who we want to be. We long for so much more.

We all strive to be great. To be loved, to be important, but the bible tells us only God can fill that void. If you haven't experienced it personally, then probably describe people like myself as "weak" or "weird." I’m ok with that, because I once lived in the smog you live in and you have never lived in the light I get to enjoy. It is true that only God can show you this, and he does it by letting you choose everything you want and allowing it to let you down. Its not because He’s cruel, but because you weren’t created to get joy and peace from anything other than God. He made you and he made you for himself. Until we realize this, we will continue to scratch and claw our way through life - one day at a time and end up on our death beds wondering what this was all about. Yes, not all of these days are bad, but He assures us they can be much better: and with a perfect ending.

We can try for years to be nice, love; make everyone happy, not rock the boat, etc... But we cannot change our hearts to love well. We seem to only love when it serves us too. Sure, these days and these things can bring momentary happiness, but they can't bring the real passion and joy God gives you. It was simply what you were created for. Why are we more enamored with the creation than the creator? I guess it will continue to be that way until God shows us how broken the creation is, and I think He’s starting to do that in my family.

We can spend our whole lives trying to pretend we have it together, but I am hopeful we will realize we need to be and can be saved. There is a freedom promised to us and a reason they call Him our savior. It’s not just from death, but from the evil in our hearts. I hope we can see that there is an escape from who you are, from our wickedness, and from the hurt in this world. There is a chance to love like He loves us –unconditionally, and it will radically change your whole life. A man once made the comment "I am the way, the truth, and the life." He wasn't lying to us.

I write about this today because it fits into the latest theme of Pnuema-Psuche: That the "bad" times are probably the ones that are best for us and that you can't see you're standing in the smog until you look back on it from a healthy place. I hope we are being led into the light and can soon rejoice with joy because of where He’s led us. I know I am.

Chess Games of Understanding

2009-11-11T04:08:00.000-08:00

As of late the common theme among the community of people I spend my life with has had to do with God taking away something we perceive as "good" and the results of those actions. The one common thing I always here in the waking moments after loss is: "It doesn't make any sense! Why would this happen?” Obviously you can lean on scripture verses such as "No good thing does He withhold from those who walk with himm" and many others to realize that God has a different, better plan. We could discuss his creation plan for our lives and the goodness He promises us and the many guarantees He has given us for prosperity and hope. However, I'm more interested in the aspect here that deals with human understanding, our inability to see the whole picture, and the resultant frustrations of not understanding why "the pain" is happening.

Yes, it all comes down to faith when things are taken away. Can I really believe that He's got something better planned for me? Is God holding back on me? Is this even all real? I've seen people as of late hit such a rock bottom that they don't believe the sun will shine again in their lives. We read through biblical promises and pray feverishly, but the knowledge is stuck in their brains and hasn't come true in their hearts.

This is probably one of the many reasons God puts us all through these things in the first place - to cultivate our faith. I told one good friend last night that I can't wait until God's promises come true in His life. I am so eager to see God bring this man the promise of “something better.” The day when our knowledge becomes wisdom through experience is one of joy and amazement.

As men, one of the key aspects that burdens our soul is our inability to make sense of the situation. We tire from trying to get over the issues and just trusting God because we lack exact factual understanding for the loss. This is mainly because we can't see the whole picture and because we lack faith - we don't believe that today's "let-down" will lead to tomorrow's "joy." However, there is one other aspect to this equation that I believe leads to considerable amounts of pain for us. We are rational and we want to fix things. Our inability to understand the whys of our issues gets us caught in the centrifugal force of our mind's search for a reason. We got back and forth, revisiting the issues, looking for clear understanding.

Just as God brought about order from chaos in the universe (laws of motion, gravity, force, etc.,) men aim to bring about order to the chaos of our lives. This can only be done by understanding the problem at hand. For, how can you fix the problem if you don't exactly what caused the problem in the first place? As men we plead with God for revelation and understanding. We ask him to show us the reasons why. We demand answers, a rational breakdown of events, and full explanation of the facts. We then aim to fix the problem, protect our pride, and thus show our worth.

However, I believe God's love for us is shone exceedingly bright in his refusal to tell us. Most of the bigger problems in life hit without any clues to the whys. They leave us blindsided. We end up on our knees demanding an answer and none is given.

For us men, this is the nicest things God can do. For, if we knew the reason why, we’d go and fix it. I know I would. If I understood the facts behind why they didn’t hire me or why she didn’t call back, I’d go and try to fix the problem and keep heading down the road I’m not supposed to go down. Therefore, we should be thankful God doesn’t give us all the details. We’d only follow our wicked hearts down the wrong path and leave our God behind. God knows there is nothing better than His plan and I know there is little that keeps me from running after my own plan. Well, unless I am completely unaware of how to make my plan work. Thank you God for withholding those details and making my path straight.

Pneuma-Psuche

2009-11-10T04:27:00.000-08:00

Well.... I embark on yet another road I used to sway away from. I can add this to rims on my car in high school, dating certain girls in college, facebook, cleaning up my life, loving Jesus, and Twitter. I seem to eventually follow the things that I distain. Anyway, here I am writing my thoughts down for the world to read. I wonder if this is anything less than pure pride, but then I remember that you came here on your own and that I never promised you anything good, wise, or important. I guess, at the end of the day, like most things in my former life: This isn't for you. It’s for me.

The days of late have been a mixture between perfect and terrible. The circumstances of the past week have brought about great prosperity and hope, as well as rejection and humility. I got a 2 year plan approved at work but got another 2 year plan at home returned to sender. I have a friend who wanted to kill herself, a buddy who's father is possibly dying, and a world around me that looks to be rotting away. I have a soul that can't be filled with trophies, attention, a loving family, money, cars, or abilities. I realize now why self-esteem is such an issue in this country, as my own 27 years of constructed worth yields a happiness and joy that come and go like a distant uncle you only know or experience during the holidays or family weddings.

I'm sure its the same for you. Every day is different and in a weird way pointless. You may have moments of happiness, but its always here and now. Its always something that will be. The "pursuit" of happiness, as if its always on the frontier and tomorrow of your life. "When I get that job, get my wife, receive that degree, etc." Happiness never seems to be a completed act in my life, with daily joy that cannot waiver. After some time you get dead tired chasing it down. Maybe that’s why my friend wants to take her own life, because today's joy is found in a tomorrow that has no guarantee it will come. And, if our tomorrow does arrive, our joy is limited and quickly dissipates like the morning fog. So, we grab on to everything we can to hopefully capture some sort of happiness and meaning - which always fades away much like the very time we've spent on our conquest.

The former events are from recent times, but the thought process is from the first 24 years of life. I spent years trying to figure out "what I am doing here?" What's the point of my life? Why did I just end up in some small town in Iowa with a father who didn't want to be around and an anger inside of me that wouldn't be quenched by any type of success or accomplishment? Whatever your demons are in you life, I'm sure they lead you to the same place: What the heck is this "life" all about? Am I really supposed to just work for 30 more years, retire, relax, and die? Is that all this is about.

Sure, the cynics will talk about seeking love, having kids, raising a "good family," and "doing your best," and "giving your all." But, I am here to ask: Where does that get you? If that's the answer and the millions before me accomplished that, then why is this world falling apart? Why does there seem to be such a hole in everyone's life that their default is to completely disengage in life.

If we really are here for a moment…..Why is everyone trying to escape?

They either drink their lives way, work their lives away, or build up this facade to show the world who they "really are," even though the facade never seems to represent the true signposts of their real life: pains, fears, hurts, angers, frustrations, and pure inability to define the exact Truth to what their life really means.

Well, I thought the same things and it haunted me into becoming a terrible man whose future would have certainly mirrored that of a bad husband and father. For, how am I supposed to know how to live my life if I'm not told why I'm here? Does anything work if its not used how it was created to be used?

Then someone told me about God. A plan. A reason. They showed me versus in the bible like: "I am the way, the life, and the truth."

It floored me. Sure, you can easily ignore a sentence in a book. But, then again...what if this was Truth? What then? How can someone say they are "The Life." Heck, that's what I've spent most of my life trying to figure out. Wouldn't it be foolish to then ignore this comment made by Jesus thousands of years ago?